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Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Lame of Moans

Game of Thrones. We were going to jump all over that and do what I charmingly referred to as a "Threeview," where each of us would give our opinions of the show.

It was an admirable idea, given the three interesting viewpoints we would have brought to it: Steve is basically the target audience for this show (if he had any damn money, anyway--they always want audiences with money, baby) and he's also super into the books; Jason hates at least half of what HBO puts on just as a natural instinct, but he likes period pieces with tittays; and I fucking super fucking extremely hate medieval shit, and epic shit, and shit you have to pay close attention to, and...yeah. Everything I expected this show to be.

I have to say, my expectations, dead on. Except for my expectations of myself, being able to watch this shit week after week.

I couldn't make it through ONE EPISODE. One.

Now you're probably thinking I'm some type of idiot asshole dipshit. Okay. If you like it, that's great. You're obviously more like Steve (sane, rational, nice, not terribly perverted, etc.) than you are like me (kooks, bitchy, impatient, totes pervy). I also find the Lord of the Rings movies to be interminable. Dull and uninteresting. Clearly I have shit taste when it comes to quality drama featuring people who look like they never bathe.

But if you're watching this and putting yourself through it just because everyone says it's really good but you actually think it's kind of boring unless someone is boning or the little fellow is being funny or boning someone or monsters are beheading someone or boning someone, then, uh, yay for you? Me, I can't do it. I can't. (And yes, I do believe people do that. They watch shit because they've been told it's good and they should like it. I think many people who watch Mad Men do so for exactly that reason. No, I don't like that show, either. Sorry! I like it better than Game of Thrones tho, for really real. I don't like Breaking Bad, either. I'm guessing I might like that one if I gave it more of a chance. But you know, life is short. I gave it the one chance, it didn't take, too bad, so sad. Maybe I'll watch it when I'm 80 and I can't relate to the all-reality shows of TV Future.)

Game of Thrones is obviously set up to reward active and careful viewing. Incite rewatches upon later revelations/reward rewatchers with further revelation. Thoughtful, deliberate audience-ing. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck that, y'all. You can stuff that right up your throne-hole. Steve totally understands all the subtle-ass shit that's going on, because he's read the books. But people like me, they have to wait as layer upon layer is added, and the richness of the many plotlines and character arcs is revealed. UH-UH. NOT FOR ME. Give me a little up front. Just a little! A bit more. I can't work up interest in all these horribly bewigged, mostly ugly motherfuckers. I don't fucking care.

That one little girl is pretty cool--the one with the good aim? Yeah. And incest, as they (sorta) say, is the best. I could totally tell that brother and sister were bad/doin' it before it was revealed. This show has a little person, nudity and incest and I STILL don't like it. You have to go pretty far down the boring trail (and the I can't understand what the fuck the actors are saying because of naturalism/bad accents/mumbling or some shit trail) to lose me when brother-sister boinking, dwarfs and general nakedness is in the mix.

And they're two of the only hot people in that fucker! That is an issue. I like good-lookin' peeps. This show is good-lookin' light. That bears repeating. I don't care if a bunch of hideous people are beheaded. To me that seems natural and anti-climatic. Of course ugly people should lose their heads. Heads are what make so many ugly people so very ugly.

I probably shouldn't be saying these things. I want to be a TV writer. And here I am, saying I'm essentially a lazy TV-watcher who can't be arsed to pay attention, remember shit and/or possibly think while watching a show full of uggos. I AM an idiot asshole dipshit, most likely. But uh, yeah. Don't like this show.

I do really like the opening credits, tho. Super cute. If the show were more like the cute opening credits, I'd dig it the most.


jenni said...

But mostly it's a fucking boring show.

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