Of Course I Had to Discover This the Day AFTER Christmas

Now, you're gonna have to wait a full year for the perfect gift.

Christmas is the Best

It just is. Christmas is everything a holiday should be. Food and presents. Drinking. Parties and treats, even at work. Vacation. Bitchin'-ass TV specials. Special home decorations, inside and out. Its own cookies. Its own sweaters. Its own trees. When you got your own sweaters and trees, you done hit the big time.

People who say they don't like Christmas are usually lying. They like it fine, maybe even too much. They know deep down inside they don't deserve anything as awesome as Christmas.

Well, whatever, you say. I like Halloween. You would. Halloween is the ugly dude you had to talk to while your beautiful older sister made out with his smokin' hot cousin. Halloween is at least partly about dressing up as someone or something else. It's the holiday for people who don't like themselves very much. What's that, now? Chicks get all tarted up and drink themselves stupid on Halloween? Perhaps, but those of us with jobs and/or friends know that that shit also happens at places called nightclubs and bars, several times a week. What about free candy? Well, if you need your candy fun-sized and free, you're a child, and it's OK you're stupid.

Thanksgiving, though. What about Thanksgiving? Football, parades, turkey and pie? What are you even doing here? How can you read this? Are you using a speech-to-text app? I'll give you that the extra day off is amaze, but will quickly remind you that people use that day to prepare for Christmas, so basically Thanksgiving is the spring training of Christmas season, that shit is there to get your ass in shape for when it really counts.

I would be surprised if Easter was even anyone's third-favorite holiday. Even the very Catholic are like, yeah, holiest of all days, but as a holiday in the awesome sense, that shit is whack.These colored eggs, the molesto in the bunny suit--thank you, but no. Also, fuck a Peeps. Those things are reason enough to hate any season.

The other holidays...come on. Fourth of July? The cake that looks like a flag with all the fruit on it is pretty sweet but yeah, not enough. St. Patrick's Day? Cast the snakes out of my ass. Them other ones? Are there other ones?

What was I talking about? I dunno. I'm too full of the Christmas spirit to remember. The Christmas spirit = sparkling wine and macaroni and cheese.

Happy Birthday, Baby Jesus! God bless us, every one!

...Or, at least, that's what the pimp told me...

Nativity Scenes

'Tis the season to enjoy my nativity scene, which is based on extensive theological research conducted on Wikipedia or cobbled together from what I've learned from cartoons. All I know is that Obi-Wan was one of the wisemen and Santa is Baby Jesus's godfather.

Sanrio Grande

It's the 50th anniversary of Hello Kitty's company Sanrio, so last month, we visited Sanrio's Small Gift expo, which featured carnival games, a gift shop, mini golf, food trucks, an arcade, an art show and more cuteness than you could shake a stick that has googly eyes and rosy cheeks at (see, everything in the Sanrio world has a face). Anyway, this post is a month overdue, but it took us that long to recover from our cute overload. Seriously, stop staring at me, hamburger!

Check out our picture blowout after the jump.