News Flash: Rich Baby Has Fat Feet!

In an exclusive Father's Day interview in the current issue of gossip rag OK! Magazine, new daddy Larry Birkhead vividly describes how baby Dannielynn looks exactly like her late mom, Anna Nicole Smith.

According to OK!, Birkhead says Dannielynn has "chubby little toes exactly like Anna's." He also goes out on a limb to say that the tot has Anna's legs and lips and that she pouts just like her, too. The baby also has two eyes and a little nose and other baby-like baby features that babies are known to have during babyhood.

As featured in OK! Magazine, the publication that's
proud to shout "We're 'Mediocre!'"

So is Larry saying that Dannielynn is exactly like Anna or is he really trying to say that Anna was exactly like a big, fat baby? I guess pointing out Dannielynn's resemblance to Anna Nicole is a bit more tactful than flat-out saying the baby looks like a giant sack of money in a diaper.

DNA Tests Conclusive: Howard K. Stern Is a Jackass

In what could've been the best paternity episode of Maury ever, the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby was finally revealed today. After dozens of random potential fathers admitted to sleeping with Anna Nicole some time around January 2006 when the baby was conceived, it was Larry Birkhead who won the title of being the dude who managed to knock up the chick who slept with over a dozen guys in the span of a month. Way to go, bottom feeder! So much for my previous theory that Anna Nicole had an incestuous affair with her own son. That totally would've made an awesome Maury episode.

Howard K. Stern changed this baby's diapers for nothing.

R.I.P. Anna Nicole

You can't beat fate. Anna Nicole Smith's death is untimely and tragic, but it didn't take a Vegas oddsmaker to predict that she'd be a quick payout for any celebrity dead pool list. The riskier bet would be whether or not her "acting" career qualifies her to make it as a last-minute addition to the Oscar ceremony's morbid yet tasteful "Dead People Montage." Her role in The Hudsucker Proxy might qualify as legitimate filmwork, but her questionable appearances on camera in Skyscraper or Playmates Bustin' Out, might cancel that out.

Anna Nicole Smith

November 28, 1967 - February 8, 2007

Statement of bad taste #302:

So, does this mean her newborn daughter has to get a shoulder tattoo depicting the baby with late brother Daniel and mother Anna Nicole?

Famous for gettin' naked & gettin' fat and for becoming the wife of a rich old guy & becoming the widow of a rich old guy, Anna Nicole is now on her way to becoming a martyr for latter-day celebutards like Paris, Nicole and Lindsay. Surely St. Trimspa will be keeping tabloid TV like Extra busy theorizing about her death: her son dies when her daughter is born... then Anna dies when the DNA tests are about to reveal her daughter's true father.

Could these be suicides related to the baby's father's true identity? Could the father be Anna Nicole's own son? Could I be going to hell any sooner? Just remember where you first heard this theory, 'cause if I'm right I'll be one hellbound jackass with a hell of an intuition. If I'm wrong, I'll just be a hellbound jackass. You can't beat fate.