Spoiler Theatre: Predators

Sequels, or "5equels"

It's sequel season, and everyone seems to be out seeing the latest Twilight movie.

Lurking in the shadow of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, a sequel to another successful film series has been announced -- the fifth installment of the Final Destination horror flicks, titled, um, 5nal Destination.

I don't know about you, but I'm with a lotta people who think 5nal Destination reads like it's supposed to say "Anal Destination," which could put a totally different spin on the franchise (I'm hoping the tagline is "Death screws you in the end"). Steve and I were thinking the movie could be all about death's design to create elaborate Rube Goldberg chain reactions that all result in fatalities up the 5hole. Sorta like the Mousetrap board game but with assplay.

Check out our other ideas for board games that should be movies here.

Now, there have been plenty of ill-conceived movie titles out there that have you questioning why a studio would put such a ridiculous name on the marquee (anything preceded by "M. Night Shyamalan's" immediately comes to mind), but this title just flat-out 5nally rapes all previous bad movie monikers.

I really hate these math-holes who come up with ridiculous names like Se7en and now 5nal Destination, because how do you even pronounce that? Fivenal? All I think of when you say Fivenal is this adorable little scamp:

2 Fast 2 Furious was another example of math-holery, but the Vin Diesel movie Jenni really wants a sequel for is The Pacifier, which she thinks they should title, Pacifaster. Or better yet, they should just combine his racing and nanny flicks into one uberfilm:

Of course, the studios would probably need to insert a number into the title if there ever was a second installment of The Pacifier, and that could lead to some confusion as to who's in it:

At any rate, the only sequel number I think that should be shoehorned into a movie titled would be for the next Twilight movie, Breaking Dawn. Cuz really, I just wanna see people pitching tents to wait in line for something called "4king Dawn." That'd be fourkin' awesome.

There's No "I" in A-Team

Lovin' it when a plan comes together - The A-Team in theaters Friday.

Now Fortified with Iron

Freddy, Steady, Go!

Now in theaters. This is my tribute in toys to this movie season's A Nightmare on Elm Street, the horror reboot starring the scariest pedophile in a Christmas sweater since your creepy uncle.

I Am Iron Man, Too

In theaters Friday.

Twice the armor, twice the men.
Plus, Scarlett Johansson in a skintight catsuit.

Iron Man 2

This should be a good sequel.
This is the one where he teams up with Iron Chef BBQ.

Summer Movie Tribute: Indiana Jones

It was like a million degrees this weekend in L.A., and how did I decide to spend an hour of my Sunday? Burning up in our un-air-conditioned darkroom taking photos of a Lego Indiana Jones just so you can enjoy this next toy tribute to the biggest movie of the summer.

Indiana Jones and the Chronicles of the Traveling Pants opens this Thursday... here's hoping I'll be rehydrated by then.

Special effects have a come a long way since Indy had to flee
from a giant tape ball in Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Spoiler Alert: Turns out Indy ends up finding the crystal skull here at his local mall. He also picks up a crystal swan figurine, a crystal dolphin pendant and a rather stylish watch.

Summer Movie Tribute: Speed Racer

Part Two of our Summer Movie Tributes pays homage to Speed Racer, and I've recreated the movie's poster using Minimates.

The movie opens May 9th, and it looks nice but it could also be a total wreck. Then again, it comes from the road-tested tradition of putting apes in automotive actioners, starting with the orangutan in Every Which Way But Loose, the chimp in B.J. and the Bear and Vin Diesel in The Fast and the Furious.

"Here he comes, here comes Speed Racer!"
Much to the chagrin of a sexually frustrated Trixie, the theme song lyrics actually refer to how Speed always finishes first no matter where he is.

Summer Movie Tribute: Iron Man

Even though the movie I'm most excited about seeing is opening this Friday, 2008's blockbuster season is officially opening with the release of Iron Man on May 2nd. To commemorate the event -- and, what will surely be Robert Downey Jr.'s best role of the year in which he doesn't play a black guy -- I'm using toys to recreate an Iron Man movie poster along with the superhero's first-ever comic book cover.





Check back later for more toy tributes to the summer blockbusters, including nods to Speed Racer, Indiana Jones vs. the Traveling Pants (?), The Incredible Hulk, The Dark Knight and more.

Have a suggestion for an upcoming movie's poster that I should recreate? If you said Sex and the City or Kung Fu Panda, then you've been reading my diary! I'll totally be taking the day off when those movies open. So while I'm stocking up on "sick days" at work, post a comment with your suggestions for other toy tributes you'd like to see this movie season.