Daily Show to Democracy: "Suck it!"

Jon Stewart hates democracy!

I love attention-grabbing, sensationalist bullshit like that because when all I've got is a shitty blog post full of ill-conceived ideas and half-assed statistical studies, I need some crazy shit like that to make me seem important. It's what I'm good at, and apparently I'm not the only one.

"Excellent. With biting sarcasm like this, democracy doesn't stand a chance! Muwahahaha!"

Forgive me for just stumbling on this now--for some of you it may be old news from over a month ago, but I missed this little nugget of column tomfoolery back in late June. Needless to say, I don't spend a lot of time reading The Washington Post's website because I find real, grown-up news boring and sorely lacking in the brand of hilarious "infotainment" that my generation so desperately craves.

I am bound, nay FORCED to reluctantly agree with everything that this column has to say. I've been watching The Daily Show since before the "with Jon Stewart" was tacked on, which made me a rather strange teenager, but whatever. Back then I can remember my youthful optimism, my bushy-tailed exuberance and zest for life. I was gonna go out and grab the world by the tail and drag it home in the back pocket of my OshKosh B'Goshes and give it noogies until it was changed to reflect all of the things I believed in like truth, justice, equality and half-days on Friday. But the years have not been kind. That doe-eyed innocent has morphed into a cynical, curmudgeonly husk of his former self and now I know why--the goddamn Daily Show!

Jon Stewart, you sonofabitch, with your Emmy-winning comedy/social commentary, have turned my world of rainbows and lollipops into a dismal realm of dimwitted politicians and corporate greed and bungled war efforts. A thousand curses upon you and your staff for showing me the foibles of our imperfect government and cleverly exposing the ridiculousness that is inherent in most of our political process. You have raped my childhood and skull-fucked my innocence, you rat bastard.

No wonder I don't want to vote anymore or be a part of the process. It has nothing to do with the fact that the two dominant political parties in this country have moved so far to the extremes of their bases that no sane person could genuinely support either of them wholeheartedly. It has nothing to do with the fact that corporations and lobbies weigh far more on the minds of our representatives than the welfare of their constituents. It has absolutely nothing to do with the constant stream of bullshit "issues" that are cooked up every election year to distract people from actual problems, because God forbid we actually fix social security, the budget, the war, education or any of that stuff. We need tighter restrictions on those damned videogames that Satan codes in a sweatshop of lost souls in the sixth circle of Hell!

The Dark Lord admires his greatest creation since Rock and Roll

And what's most disturbing of all is that, despite what a cynical bastard Stewart's show has made me, I can't stop watching. I need to get my news from somewhere, don't I? I mean, I would watch network news but they're too busy covering breaking stories like eating a lot of fast food makes you fat and the Internet is full of lonely, perverted sickos who want to violate you/your children/your pets. And the networks aren't so great at getting their messages across. I mean, half of the country STILL believes that Saddam had WMDs prior to the invasion of Iraq! That's like half the country believing that 2+2 = 5 or that gravity is optional or that Paris Hilton is not a slut--it's something that all credible evidence says is completely untrue.

So what are my options? I can either continue to watch Jon Stewart destructively, although wittily destroy democracy by disenfranchising my generation and showing me that the people in power care as much about me and mine as I do about them and theirs, or I could watch and read what passes for "real" journalism these days in which hundreds of media outlets tell me how bad things are and then chastise me in op-ed pieces for not doing anything either then or now while completely ignoring their own complicit silence in the past.

All cynical sarcasm aside, I do believe that The Daily Show demonstrates for its audience of impressionable youths and politically minded people with funny bones the startling truth that no, not many people in power give two shits about them outside of a potential vote. If you passionately care about a real issue, chances are nobody's going to raise it on the floor of any democratic body that matters. The voice of the people isn't heard much on Capitol Hill. Now some, like the guy who wrote that column, see that lesson as defeating democracy--grinding people down--and yeah, some of them might just give up on the whole mess. I can certainly understand the temptation. But I see it as a lesson in self-reliance and an impetus for change. If you really care, you can't just sit on your couch and expect things to happen the way you want to because the people in Washington certainly aren't going to get it done for you.

If you really want your voice heard, you need to say something.

Snarky, cynical images courtesy of Jason