Sweet Christmas!

The holiday season is upon us and thank God that it is. I love this time of year because I love Christmas, and I love Christmas because it's a holiday during which families are usually compelled to pretend like they like each other and gifts are exchanged. But it seems even these two basic tenents of Jesus' birthday are no longer sacred as a mother in Rock Hill, South Carolina just had the local police arrest her 12-year-old son for opening a Christmas present early.


The child apparently knew that his great-grandmother had bought him a Game Boy Advance and decided to just take the gift from beneath the tree and start playing with it. The boy's 27-year-old mother threatened to call the cops if the handheld system wasn't returned. The kid handed over the GBA, but mom called the Five-O on him anyway. The responding officers busted the kid for petty larceny and he was released back to his mother pending trial, where she's said she plans to hand him over to a State institution. Yeah, because if anything can straighten your kid out it's certainly not loving, attentive parenting but cold, cruel justice inside a State-run juvenile detention facility.

There are so many things wrong with this that I don't even know where to begin. First, great-grandma, get with the times. The GBA is on life support. Save some recycling money and get the kid a Nintendo DS so he's not the laughing stock of his friends. Maybe then he wouldn't punch police officers and otherwise act up. Second, mom's a shitty parent. Yeah, it sucks she got preggers at 15, but all that means is she was a shitty parent from a young age. If you need to call the authorities to wrangle your 12-year-old, you suck at this and maybe handing the kid over to the State isn't such a bad idea, but don't pretend like it's Junior's fault. It's all you, lady. And it is extra-bullshitery that when the kid handed the present over, you still called the cops. Christmas is supposed to be the time of the year when families come together, not when you decide to finally have that abortion 12 years too late.

Third, how the hell does the kid know what he's getting for Christmas? I'm just going to assume it's more bullshit parenting skills, because no one's showing me any reason to believe otherwise. When I was a kid, Christmas presents and their locations were guarded with the strictest secrecy. I'd have had an easier time getting the launch codes from the President than I would finding my gifts. But then, when I was a kid I had rules and boundaries that I was cool with because I love my mom and she loves me and I didn't want to disappoint her. Love and guilt are some strong motivators.

And isn't that what Christmas is really all about?


Photo by Jason