The Doghouse

I'm no preachy veggo-pounding animal rights nutbar. I love meat. I wear leather. I even like fur coats. Yes I said it, I think fur coats are pretty--and so cuddly! Also, why the outrage over fur in partik, isn't leather just as bad?

But I do think animals should be treated as well as possible, you know, until you get hungry or need a new pair of shoes. And pets, well, pets are something else entirely. They're an animal you invite into your home for selfish reasons--you want a friend, you need protection, your feet get cold at night, you're blind--and the animal helps you out with that shit. So they deserve a bit of consideration. They are doing you a solid, you self-centered bastards. Damn.


Nooo, Batman! Ace the Bathound deserves better. And, uh, aren't you dead or something?

So I came upon this article, "Facing Foreclosure? 3 Reasons Not to Abandon Your Pets" and it just seems crazytown to me. Three reasons? How about just one: because it's a terrible thing to do, and if you do it, then you're a (homeless) monster. Is that not reason enough to let Fluffy take up residence in your car with you? Or at least take her to a shelter, or ask your friends who are better with money than you are to take her in? Sheesh.

But I still kind of can't get over it. I know people are generally crapbuckets, but don't people allegedly love their pets or something? I've loved all my pets and could never do something like that. In fact, I had a cat, Nigel, and because he loved my sister more than me, I gave him to her permanently when I moved away from Ohio. I mean she threatened to kill me if I took him, but the point is, I did what was best for Nigel, not the selfish thing that was best for me.

But still, there the choices were Nigel has a home in Seattle or Nigel has a home in Cleveland. In no way can I fathom just locking up the house that's no longer mine with my cat or dog still inside. What kind of fucked up heartless-ass shit is that? And (I think the article mentioned this) pets bring you comfort. Why would you give away one of your best friends at a low point in your life? I guess these people are bad with money, cold-hearted and stupid. You'd almost feel sorry for them if they weren't worthless cockknockers who don't deserve any sympathy ever at any time.

Fuckers.

Xmas Music Video & "Making Of" Photojournal

Back by popular demand, it's my stop-motion holiday video for my cover of "Silent Night." Since the Christmas season has officially begun, I'm reposting my video from last year along with some behind-the-scenes photos from the shoot, so please enjoy them rather than braving the crowds at a department store that really shouldn't be open at 5 in the morning.

Check back here in a couple of weeks, because I'm currently putting together a new stop-motion holiday video that I'll be posting shortly. I've already finished the song, which is my cover version of -- wait for it -- "Last Christmas" by Wham.

In the meantime, here are some photos from my "Making Of" photojournal for last year's shoot...

Happy Thanksgiving!

We're thankful that you've made us your #12 site of choice for non-pornographic content!
Next year, we're going hardcore.

R.I.P. Hitchcock Screenwriter Guy

John Michael Hayes
May 11, 1919 - November 19, 2008
Alfred Hitchcock screenwriter
(Rear Window, The Man Who Knew Too Much, To Catch a Thief, The Trouble with Harry)

Jason Attends American Music Awards, Declares He Is... Sasha Fierce

On Sunday, I spent my second year hanging out in the green room of the American Music Awards for work. No, I don't work as a male escort, caterer or makeup artist, and I actually didn't have much to do, so I spent the whole show Twittering and Facebooking the backstage events.

For those of you who don't subscribe to my twats (I think that's past-tense of twitter), here's the transcript in chronological order:

1:53 PM Nov 23rd
Off to American Music Awards, where I'll be hanging in the green room. To prepare, I've marinated myself in Jack Daniels & Axe Body Spray.

3:08 PM Nov 23rd
Riding shuttle to American Music Awards w/ white dreadlocked catering guy. Oh, how far Soul Asylum has fallen.

3:36 PM Nov 23rd
Escaped confused mob of David Archuleta fans at AMAs. I look nothing like a Monchichi.

4:39 PM Nov 23rd
Just saw Ashley Tisdale, T-Pain and Jamie Foxx at the AMA green room.

4:54 PM Nov 23rd
American Music Awards backstage update: Daughtry and Jamie Foxx just chatted. Neither is very tall.

5:06 PM Nov 23rd
Saw one of Christina Aguilera's female backup dancers up close backstage about 10 mins ago. Yiiiiiiiikes.

5:11 PM Nov 23rd
Watching Weiland getting his makeup done. David Cook and Lance Bass also in the hizzy.

5:16 PM Nov 23rd
Holy crap! Ron Jeremy just showed up backstage. I might be at the wrong awards show...

5:25 PM Nov 23rd
Jordan Knight from New Kids on the Block just swung into the green room, fresh from his performance.

5:44 PM Nov 23rd
Why is Billy Ray Cyrus wearing gloves backstage?

5:55 PM Nov 23rd
I'm surprised at how tall David Archuleta is in real life. He must be at least a whopping 5'0! Julianne Hough is the same height.

6:13 PM Nov 23rd
Watching Julianne Hough talk to Daughtry backstage. Redhead Pussycat Doll and Kate Walsh just walked in...

6:22 PM Nov 23rd
Colbie Caillat looks pretty hot in person. She's blinging it backstage with a huuuuge rock on her finger.

6:39 PM Nov 23rd
Ashley Tisdale and Julianne Hough have been chatting backstage at a table for a looong while. Let's hope they make a Disney movie together.

6:42 PM Nov 23rd
Guess I saw The Fray backstage and I didn't know it. Seeing them on the monitor now and still don't know it's them.

6:43 PM Nov 23rd
WTF? Brigitte Nielsen is here?!!?

6:49 PM Nov 23rd
Nick Lachey, Vanessa Minillo and everyone else in the green room is glued to the monitor watching Beyonce perform.

6:53 PM Nov 23rd
The AMA green room is a ghost town now. Julianne Hough, Brigitte Nielsen and everyone else left after Beyonce finished performing.

7:12 PM Nov 23rd
Motley Crue just walked in. Mick Mars is tiny.

7:18 PM Nov 23rd
Sarah McLachlan just entered the AMA green room. She was followed by an ethereal glow, seven angels and a unicorn.

7:41 PM Nov 23rd
Steven Tyler and Richie Sambora are catching up backstage...

7:47 PM Nov 23rd
Joe Perry and Nikki Sixx joined in on the convo. It's monsters of rock back here at the American Music Awards.

8:02 PM Nov 23rd
American Music Awards are over. Time for the afterparty on top of the Nokia garage. Wheeeeee!

Yay, music!
This is a test photo for the new stop-motion Christmas music video I'm working on. Check back in a few weeks to watch it!

Vote for Christmas!

It's time to vote again! The Paley Center for Media in L.A. and New York will be hosting a screening of five TV holiday specials as voted on by the public. Even if you won't be able to make the L.A. or NY screenings, you should still vote because we all know how fun voting was this past election, what with the free Starbucks, Ben & Jerry's and Krispy Kreme. You won't get any of those freebies this time around, but we'd really like to see the "John Denver and the Muppets: A Christmas Together" and the "Star Wars Holiday Special" because neither is officially available on DVD or VHS and they never air on ABC Family's 25 Days of Christmas.

Not to say that Bea Arthur is the huskiest of The Golden Girls, but what are they insinuating by giving her top billing with "Wookiees" in this special?

Click here to vote! Cast your ballot for Denver/Skywalker in '08!

If you're in L.A. or NY, visit The Paley Center from December 10th through December 24th to watch the top five holiday specials.

Breakin' 2: Electric Google-oo

Hooray for the internets! This site lets you answer people's dumb questions with an animated Google link, but I've found it's even more effective when used to send a passive-aggressive note.

Here are some samples I created for you to send to people who should really know better.

http://tinyurl.com/6f8347
http://tinyurl.com/6nyu2d
http://tinyurl.com/6fe87p
http://tinyurl.com/6drcxh
http://tinyurl.com/6hvev8

The Best Robot Since "Small Wonder"

Available now on DVD.

The Quantum of Solace

In theaters today.

Here's my teeny toy tribute
to Bond, James, Bond.

Is it just me, or does Quantum of Solace sound more like the name of a Sarah McLachlan album rather than a James Bond movie? The title just sounds like some random words strung together. The Continuum of Pretension. See? I can do it, too!

Here are some other names I think might work better for the new 007 movie:

The Platitude of Ontonomy
The Resplendence of Synergy
The Velocity of Ambivalence
The Elegy of Bombast
The Paradigm of Reverie
The House of Pancakes
The Best of Foreigner
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
The Bourne Identity 4

All the Small Things

Last night, Monkeyhouse Toys in Los Angeles had its opening reception for the Itty Bitty Art Show, where I had 10 pieces on display.

Everyone's been asking me how my itty bitty opening was, and let's just say it's awfully sore 'cause there were so many people crammed into it (I hear porn stars charge double for that kinda action).




Sometimes I think the only reason I do art is so I can make awful "opening" double entendres, but in any case, the reception continually drew a revolving crowd for the three hours I was there. It was actually so packed that you'll have a better chance seeing things up close now that the reception is over.

Bigger than itty-bitty thanks go out to everyone who attended, and if you didn't make it out, you can still check out the exhibit through November 30th.


Here's all nine of my robot paintings grouped together. Each one is 2" x 2" and they should still be available for adoption if you'd like to own one.

From left to right, top to bottom: TV-bot, Aqua-bot, Thought-bot, Toasty-bot, Love-bot, Danger-bot, UFO-bot, Fight-bot and Buzz-bot.

All nine of my robots teamed up to battle "Li'l 'Zilla," which is the tenth painting I contributed to the show. The rough version is shown below:

This was painted on aluminum, and I taped off skyscraper shapes before priming. You can see the finished painting in the post immediately before this, or you can see it by clicking here.

Itty Bitty Art Show

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I'd like you all to gather at the spectacle that is my itty-bitty opening. Wait, look, I'm simultaneously flattered, insulted and somewhat scared of you now, but I'm actually talking about a reception next Saturday for an art show I'm participating in.

If you're in L.A. next week, please visit Monkeyhouse Toys to see the Itty Bitty Art Show, featuring over 100 artists who've created teeny weenie paintings, as well as teeny paintings that aren't of weenies. All of the works on display will be smaller than 9"x12".

I've contributed 10 paintings, including the three featured here. I'll post the rest after the grand -- yet tiny -- opening.

At last check, my stuff is the smallest, but that's not really something to brag about.

"Love-Bot" and "Danger-Bot"

Acrylic on 2"x2" canvas, shown in actual size.
There are seven other robots in this series.

"Li'l 'Zilla" Acrylic on 5x7 aluminum panel

Itty Bitty Art Show opening reception
Saturday, November 8th 2008
5pm - 9pm

Monkeyhouse Toys & Art Gallery
1618 1/2 Silver Lake Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90026

The art show coincides with the beginning of this season's Silver Lake Art Crawl, so it should make for a fun social event (or perhaps an awkward social event, depending on your tolerance of hipsters who look like roadies for either Weezer or Lisa Loeb).

Here's the postcard promoting the art show:

Please check out the show next Saturday, November 8th. It's the second-biggest event next week after election day! Well, unless you also have a birthday or anniversary or job interview next week, that is. OK, fine, it's just an itty-bitty event, but still.