Jason Attends American Music Awards, Declares He Is... Sasha Fierce

On Sunday, I spent my second year hanging out in the green room of the American Music Awards for work. No, I don't work as a male escort, caterer or makeup artist, and I actually didn't have much to do, so I spent the whole show Twittering and Facebooking the backstage events.

For those of you who don't subscribe to my twats (I think that's past-tense of twitter), here's the transcript in chronological order:

1:53 PM Nov 23rd
Off to American Music Awards, where I'll be hanging in the green room. To prepare, I've marinated myself in Jack Daniels & Axe Body Spray.

3:08 PM Nov 23rd
Riding shuttle to American Music Awards w/ white dreadlocked catering guy. Oh, how far Soul Asylum has fallen.

3:36 PM Nov 23rd
Escaped confused mob of David Archuleta fans at AMAs. I look nothing like a Monchichi.

4:39 PM Nov 23rd
Just saw Ashley Tisdale, T-Pain and Jamie Foxx at the AMA green room.

4:54 PM Nov 23rd
American Music Awards backstage update: Daughtry and Jamie Foxx just chatted. Neither is very tall.

5:06 PM Nov 23rd
Saw one of Christina Aguilera's female backup dancers up close backstage about 10 mins ago. Yiiiiiiiikes.

5:11 PM Nov 23rd
Watching Weiland getting his makeup done. David Cook and Lance Bass also in the hizzy.

5:16 PM Nov 23rd
Holy crap! Ron Jeremy just showed up backstage. I might be at the wrong awards show...

5:25 PM Nov 23rd
Jordan Knight from New Kids on the Block just swung into the green room, fresh from his performance.

5:44 PM Nov 23rd
Why is Billy Ray Cyrus wearing gloves backstage?

5:55 PM Nov 23rd
I'm surprised at how tall David Archuleta is in real life. He must be at least a whopping 5'0! Julianne Hough is the same height.

6:13 PM Nov 23rd
Watching Julianne Hough talk to Daughtry backstage. Redhead Pussycat Doll and Kate Walsh just walked in...

6:22 PM Nov 23rd
Colbie Caillat looks pretty hot in person. She's blinging it backstage with a huuuuge rock on her finger.

6:39 PM Nov 23rd
Ashley Tisdale and Julianne Hough have been chatting backstage at a table for a looong while. Let's hope they make a Disney movie together.

6:42 PM Nov 23rd
Guess I saw The Fray backstage and I didn't know it. Seeing them on the monitor now and still don't know it's them.

6:43 PM Nov 23rd
WTF? Brigitte Nielsen is here?!!?

6:49 PM Nov 23rd
Nick Lachey, Vanessa Minillo and everyone else in the green room is glued to the monitor watching Beyonce perform.

6:53 PM Nov 23rd
The AMA green room is a ghost town now. Julianne Hough, Brigitte Nielsen and everyone else left after Beyonce finished performing.

7:12 PM Nov 23rd
Motley Crue just walked in. Mick Mars is tiny.

7:18 PM Nov 23rd
Sarah McLachlan just entered the AMA green room. She was followed by an ethereal glow, seven angels and a unicorn.

7:41 PM Nov 23rd
Steven Tyler and Richie Sambora are catching up backstage...

7:47 PM Nov 23rd
Joe Perry and Nikki Sixx joined in on the convo. It's monsters of rock back here at the American Music Awards.

8:02 PM Nov 23rd
American Music Awards are over. Time for the afterparty on top of the Nokia garage. Wheeeeee!

Yay, music!
This is a test photo for the new stop-motion Christmas music video I'm working on. Check back in a few weeks to watch it!