If you're gonna go to church, you might as well go to one run by a pastor who writes his sermons while shakin' his moneymaker to the beat of your local KISS, STAR, Z-something or whatever other pop radio station is big in your town. Or maybe not. In Blacklick, Ohio, a homophobic pastor seems to think the whole sapphic sentiment of Katy Perry's chart-topper, "I Kissed a Girl," will damn you straight to hell.Who knew the taste of cherry chapstick was so evil?
She kissed a girl and I liked it. Then they had a pillowfight in their lingerie and I liked it even more. 
Personally, I think hot chicks making out is the best kinda gay there is, but besides that, I have a lotta other problems with this church sign:
- In the context of a sign, Katy Perry's lyrics could very well have been something spoken by a dude, which I assume the church wouldn't say would damn you to hell. First base is okay in everyone's book, despite what my harassment record might indicate.
- Aren't there worst musical acts to criticize? Like, I don't know, maybe Nickelback? Seriously, those guys must've made a deal with the devil to still be popular for releasing the same crappy song over and over.
- As any late-night viewer of Cinemax would agree, there is absolutely nothing wrong with two women locking lips. At least until your roommate walks in unexpectedly and catches you watching Forbidden Co-Ed Confessions. Then it's just plain embarrassing. But it's not a sin. Otherwise God wouldn't have given us that many premium cable movie channels.
- Um, this incident happened in a town called "Blacklick."
Colbie Caillat's "Bubbly":
"It starts in my toes, and I crinkle my nose... then I went to hell"
Weezer's "Beverly Hills":
"Beverly Hills, that's where I want to be... then I went to hell"
Anyway, if you're feeling creative, please submit any other song lyrics that would sound good followed by "then I went to hell." Otherwise, I'll see you in hell!
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