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Friday, January 04, 2008

7 Hours of Stand-Up: Dane Cook Sets Endurance Record for Being Unfunny

Until this past Wednesday, comedian Dave Chapelle held the record for performing the longest stand-up routine of 6 hours, 12 minutes, but Dane Cook managed to best the time this week with a 7-hour lame-a-thon consisting of the overwrought hipster-babble he likes to pass off as "jokes."

Whether you're enduring the non-side-splitting comedy of Dane or waiting in line at the DMV, seven hours is just way too long of a time to be doing something. It's just a long time to be doing anything, really. Hell, I still haven't seen any of the Lord of the Rings movies just because sometimes I have to go pee. Not everyone can last a marathon session with the Tantric mastery of Sting.

In any case, a 7-hour comedy set is a major feat and I'm not going to deny Mr. Cook his record-setting accomplishment, especially since every hour he spends on stage means that's just one less hour he could be trying to film Employee of the Month 2. In the meantime, Dane is now in the record books for being absolutely humorless for the most consecutive hours, a record previously held by such non-comedic brow-furrowers as Steven Seagal, David Caruso, Don Henley, the Pope, the entire cast of The King of Queens and the weekend manager at your local Hot Topic store.

And... time! Damn, that's just about one minute of me being unfunny. Damn you, Dane Cook.