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Sunday, May 31, 2009


I was like, where can I get some fucking internet around this bitch?

And then BOOM motherfucker. Three licks later, I found the Tootsie Roll center of the internet. If there was one of those poles standing there with the white arrow-type signs with city names and shit pointing in different directions like in MASH or whatever, the one that said "Internet" would be pointing straight down to this point.

Monday, May 25, 2009

The Death-Defying Adventures of Danger Baby

Introducing Danger Baby, infant about town, toddler of action. He's like the Newbourne Identity. If there's an accident waiting to happen, this baby is likely nearby and there's likely an additional accident waiting to happen in his diaper, too.

There are certain places where a baby should never be, like at the top of a long flight of stairs, a sketchy alley or inside my recent date's womb, but Danger Baby likes to live on the edge. This baby's middle name is Danger, except it's really his first name since his name is "Danger Baby," but still. Anyway, enough talk. Let's get to the action that is the first installment of Danger Baby.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Take Off*

I like Canada's new advertising campaign to get the Americans they disdain to come drag their fat asses up to the Great White North and spend some of their filthy, greasy American money there.

It seems like they're using the tactic of "Stop Being a Pussy and Visit Us, Eh?" which might work on Americans, you know, if they're as stupid as Canadians expect them to be.

A lot of the videos are kind of themed "When Canadian Nature Attacks."

In Canada, seal clubs you.

Canada: a front-row seat to global warming.

Canada: Fuck a Sea World, come meet Shamu's crazy-ass wild sister

Of course, nature can be gentle, too. Ladies, you know what I'm talking about.

Niagara Falls is nature's vibrator. No wonder honeymooners go there.

Oh, Canada! Ooooohhhhh Caaanandaaaaa!

*No seriously if they used that Bob and Doug McKenzie Song in these commercials they would be perfect and Americans would suddenly want to not just visit Canada, they'd want to move there and they'd understand and desire socialized healthcare and fries with gravy and cheese and maybe even the Barenaked Ladies.

Monday, May 11, 2009

As Seen in L.A.

Random pictures we took around town! Wheee!

"Ded cat at every turn."
I think it was supposed to be "Dedication at every turn."

Or, "A chicken in every pot."
Or "A woman in every port." Something like that.

Posted on Melrose Avenue by a lover of the ladies.

Somewhere between the sex and drugs,
rock stars are livin' the dream of rinsing and repeating.

I totally broke my ass on that sign while trying to read it.
I broke it again on the second sign, too.