Disney Marvel Team-Up

This morning Disney announced that it's acquiring Marvel Entertainment along with the 5,000-plus characters from its superhero universe. The implications are of hulking proportions. First, it means that Disney's Jonas Brothers will be getting some serious competition for who wears the tightest pants at the Mouse. It also means that there could be some crossovers like Howard the DuckTales, That's So Kraven or sorcerer supreme Dr. Strange visiting Waverly Place. Even Pixar could end up making a Fantastic Four movie called The Incredibles.

Here are some other ideas that could come out of the Disney-Marvel team-up:

Belle meets The Beast. Oh my stars and garters!

Namor the Sub-Mariner was also up for the lead role in The Little Merman.

I'm not sure which is worse -- this joke or my lazy Photoshop job.

"Real considerate, students. I'm in a wheelchair and can't jump.
'We're all in this together,' my ass."

Toad from the X-Men comics would've worked, too,
but his tongue-based "rides" aren't really very Disney.

2006 in Review, Part 1

There's less than a week left in 2006, so it's time to take a look back at the past 360-odd days. Here are some of my random picks for the highlights and lowlights of '06:

Disturbing Trend of the Year:
Authors without Shame

• Bestselling author James Frey admits to Oprah that he fabricated his memoir, A Million Little Pieces
  
  
• How Harvard student Kaavya Viswanathan plagiarized a novel, lost a movie deal and got caught
  
  
• Jason, Jenni, Steve and Chris begin writing this blog and launch a companion podcast

Even Father Time wastes half a checkbook making that stupid mistake.

Silliest New Words of the Year:

• "Firecrotch"
• "SexyBack"
• "Suri Cruise"
  

Best New Phrases of the Year:

• "Sugartits" - Mel Gibson
• "Ching-chong, ching-chong, Danny deVito, ching-chong, ching-chong, The View" - Rosie O'Donnell.
  
  As a real-life Ching-Chongese-American, I think Rosie's interpretation of the language is almost as good as my fat lesbian imitation: "Lilith Fair, Lilith Fair, porkchops, Indigo Girls, Indigo Girls, all-you-can-eat buffet."

Worst New Phrases of the Year:

• "Lock the Cashbox/Stop the Catbox"
  This is from that dumb phone ad where two guys are singing the wrong lyrics to The Clash's "Rock the Casbah." Somehow they managed to download the song by name, but they still couldn't make the connection that the title lyric was being sung in the chorus. That's just lazy joke writing, Madison Avenue.
  
  
• "Save the Cheerleader, Save the World"
  NBC's motto for Heroes didn't quite turn out to be the t-shirt/bumper sticker slogan it was hyped to be. No matter how many times the phrase was ominously whispered at the end of the show with eerie reverb effects, it still sounded superstupid rather than superheroic.

Annoying Trend of the Year:
Random people making awful Borat impressions
The real Borat is funny, but why do unfunny people insist on imitating him? Very niiice? No, not at all.

Baffling Movie Phenomenon of the Year:
High School Musical
I have no idea why a story about singing co-eds became one of the biggest TV movies and DVDs of the year

Movie Phenomenon of the Year That Wasn't:
Snakes on a Plane
The movie delivered everything it promised! What more do you want, America? Singing snakes in varsity jackets?

Best Song of the Year:
"Phantom Limb" - The Shins
The full album, Wincing the Night Away, doesn't come out until January 23, 2007, but the lead single is already my favorite song of this year

15 Favorite Albums of the Year:

1. The Life Pursuit - Belle & Sebastian
2. Hearts and Unicorns - Giant Drag
3. Everything All the Time - Band of Horses
4. The Crane Wife - The Decemberists
5. Mr. Beast - Mogwai
6. Cansei de Ser Sexy - CSS
7. Carnavas - Silversun Pickups
8. You in Reverse - Built to Spill
9. The Electricity in Your House Wants to Sing - i am robot and proud
10. Show Your Bones - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
11. Duper Sessions - Sondre Lerche and the Faces Down Quartet
12. I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass - Yo La Tengo
13. Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not - Arctic Monkeys
14. The Audience's Listening - Cut Chemist
15. The Eraser - Thom Yorke

Some Notable Deaths in 2006:
James Brown, Gerald Ford, Steve Irwin, Joseph Barbera, Coretta Scott King, Aaron Spelling, Don Knotts, Lou Rawls, Chris Penn, Robert Altman, Peter Boyle, Mickey Spillane, Desmond Dekker, Shelley Winters, Dennis Weaver, Peter Benchley, Darren McGavin, Jack Palance, Oleg Cassini, Buck Owens, Billy Preston, Wilson Pickett, Eddie the dog from TV's Frasier, Maureen Stapleton, H.R. Pufnstuf kid Jack Wild, Gerald Levert, Mike Douglas, Tamara Dobson (Cleopatra Jones), Syd Barrett, The Breakfast Club principal Paul Gleason, Ed Bradley, Chef on South Park, UPN, The WB

Britney Spears' To-Do List 2007:
Learn how to be a good mom
Learn how to pick a good husband
Learn how to wear panties in public

______

Jason Goes to American Music Awards, Redefines "Fergalicious"

The American Music Awards ceremony was held this past Tuesday, and I was somehow able to attend the show and after-party. Through my fancy-pants job, I got to hang out in the green room for the entire show, so I rubbed elbows with almost all of the American Music Award presenters and performers before they hit the stage. Here's the scoop on the backstage dirt...

• Ashlee Simpson, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie did a lot of talking together, as did Christian Slater and William Shatner. Not a lot of crossover between those two worlds, though, I guess.
  

• Miley Cyrus was all "long-time-no-see" with Mario Lopez. I think they both attended Bayside High or something.
  

• Even though he was introducing them, Tony Hawk said he'd never heard The Pussycat Dolls' music. Some of us should be so lucky.
  

• Tender Paris Hilton moment: When Paris entered the green room and was greeted with "Hey, Silly!" by Nicole Richie. They really are friends!

• Creepy Paris Hilton moment: Paris inviting all the celebrity backstagers to "another house party" of hers, resulting in her actually extending the invitation to Taylor Hicks.

• Bizarre Paris Hilton moment: Paris phoning someone to pick her up and having to repeat "This is Paris" five times.

• Fallout Boy was asked to perform their hit song but didn't want to do old material so they threw together a new song for the show. It was only two weeks old and sounded like it.
  

• The blond kid from the cast of High School Musical was the only celebrity who threw away his plastic plates and water bottles rather than waiting for the caterers to do it. He actually bussed the table for the rest of his castmates, too. It's good to know some actors are bracing themselves for waitstaff careers.

For the official after-party at the Shrine, it seemed like almost all of the celebrities ditched it for bigger and better shindigs. Word on the street was that Jay-Z was having his own party. Maybe for his re-un-retirement.

The Shrine ballroom apparently wasn't decorated as opulently as it had been for past events like the Emmys. It resembled a school gym having some sort of "Jazz Night." I spotted only a handful of stars at the party:

• Aly & AJ, who were making a pretty early exit

• "Weird Al" Yankovic, who was busy in the buffet line

• The cast of High School Musical, who I'm pretty sure are all too young to attend any of the better parties anyways

• Joe Francis, or as one woman boldly declared within earshot of the two ladies he had in tow, "There's that jerk from Girls Gone Wild."

I actually saw a middle-aged woman excitedly getting her photo taken with Joe Francis. That just seemed wrong to me. Damn. Now that I think of it, I totally should've lifted up my shirt for them. Maybe next year.