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Thursday, September 23, 2010

CSI: My Hammy

I am liveblogging like a tree in the forest that is falling but nobody gives a shit, therefore it doesn't make a sound. And doesn't fall? This tree ain't doing shit. Love, Jenni.


9 PM PST

(assume if it's not been attributed to anyone, Jenni did it)

We don't watch CSI: Original Flava, and we don't know what the HELL is going on.

But you know what will get us watchin' damn near any show?

JUSTIN BIEBER, BITCHES.


video



This is probs some random shit we gon' type because come on now. COME ON NOW.

Why is someone choking Cowboy Curtis? Ain't right. He's a good man. I hear his daughter's a ho, tho.


9:05 PM

OKAY YOU GUYS 5 minutes in, ain't no Bieber in my TV yet. The fuck?

The one white guy looks old. I just yelled out "He look old."

Okay, cockroaches at a funeral, tacky to say the least.


9:11 PM

Helgenberger's yellin' her ass off. It's called acting, kids. Take notes.

Morphine clouds my thinking, too, Cowboy Curtis. That's why I like it.

Whurr. The fuck. Is Bieber. ?


9:15

Are the villains always this fucking uggo on this show? Damn.

Nice accent girlo. Begosh, begora.

Not enough chubbos on this show. I like one or two chubbos. No fat chicks, tho.

"Where's Bieber?" is the current catchphrase in our house.  This is some bullshit right here. There are some teenage girls gon be pissed, y'all.


 9:22

I THOUGHT THIS SHOW WAS ABOUT CRIME WHUT IS WIF ALLA TALKING?

9:28

FUCKING FINALLY. BIEBER.

Jason: That's not Bieber. That's Chaz Bono.

Jason: I don't think the Bieber haircut is a redneck haircut.
Jenni: You might be a redneck if you think that.


video


9:34

Steve: The Toyman blew up a funeral?

How crazy would it be to work in an office as fucking dark as CSI Vegas? Nutso.


9:40

The Biebs is acting his bangs off.

Jason: What is this, a Jamiroquai video? Where are they?

I think casting Justin Bieber as anti-establishment is perfect, considering his hair and all.


Has there been a national discussion about how those Bing commercials don't make any fucking sense whatsofuckingever? How many Americans could do a true stream-of-consciousness blur of FACTS?


 9:48

 Do people really like watching all this crippity crap about bomb parts and whatever? UGH bored bored bored.


9:51

Some old guy is visiting Cowboy Curtis in the hospital and gives him a pretty righteous pimp stick. I don't know why a CSI professor of cowboy studies needs a pimp stick, but a'ight den. It's a nice gesture. Everyone loves a pimp stick.

I wish I knew the names of some Justin Bieber songs so I could make jokes that made sense. But there is just nothing to joke about here. Justin Bieber has some serious acting chops, and this episode of CSI is not boring in the least. No, it's fascinating and there is just a lot of talent on display.

I like how this is about a bomber or several bombers but they don't think when they visit crime scenes or bomber houses "Oh, shit could be wired to blow" right away and then they're like,  "Oh yeah duh, that is what bombers does. I almost forgot. Policework, so difficult, so many things to remembs."

JUSTIN BIEBER'S SMILE, THIS TIME INTENTIONALLY TRYING TO CREEP YOU OUT.

Wait one cotton-pickin' minit. Am I gonna haves to tune in next weeks? Clever CSI. I will not be turning in next weeks. I have to rewatch Hawaii 5-0 like 25 times instead.

And thus concludes the liveblog. I hope someone besides me reads this. Ok I read it back. Maybe it's all right if it just fades away, like the trees in the forest.