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Saturday, December 12, 2009

Board of Movies

With the success of the Transformers and G.I. Joe movies, the floodgates have opened for just about every board game and toy to be turned into a movie. The short list includes the upcoming Monopoly directed by Ridley Scott, Battleship directed by Peter Berg, Risk starring Will Smith and Candyland, Ouija Board and Stretch Armstrong movies.

It seems nothing is off limits, so we're throwing our hat into the Rock 'Em, Sock 'Em ring. Here are our pitches...

Other nostalgia-based kid properties we recommend for the movie industry:

Trivial Pursuit
Jason Statham stars as a fed taunted by a terrorist who strings him along with a trail of trivia questions about Geography, History, Entertainment, Sports & Leisure, Science & Nature and Arts & Literature.

The Da Vinci Code meets National Treasure, although we're pretty sure they've already met and date-raped each other plenty of times. In this version of the globe-trotting scavenger hunt, Robert Downey, Jr. hunts down treasure by unscrambling clues that are revealed whenever he shakes up his Boggle shaker.

Mouse Trap

James Cameron's next mega-budget movie. Just getting the damn marble down the stairs and the bathtub thingie to work cost him $350 million.

It stars Dane Cook. Being aggravating. Because he's annoying.

Starring Angelina Jolie. She's fun for a girl and a boy

Gwyneth Paltrow stars as an uppity careerist who can find success is business but not in love. It's your basic rom-com except every 60 seconds, the movie screen pops out and freaks the living shit outta you.

Bill Paxton and Helen Hunt reunite to show us what their characters did when they weren't chasing tornados.

Parkour-loving preteens click out the wheels in their sneakers to evade Triads when they become mixed up in a heist directed by McG. Features the quotable line, "This shit is gettin' wheel!" and the tagline, "Get ready to walk and roll."

Directed by Diablo Cody and starring Ellen Page. Just when you thought the toy couldn't be more precious or cute.

Lincoln Logs
A costume drama starring Meryl Streep as a widowed pioneer and Philip Seymour Hoffman as the mysterious woodsman helping her rebuild her life log by log.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Done and Dunham

Jason and Jenni: topical, hilarious.

There is nothing better than an IM post. It is in no way lazy.

Watch out, The Office and Grey's Anatomy! You're about to be Dunhamed in the ratings!

[12:21] Jenni: jeff dunham show starts tonite!
[12:21] Jason: sweet!
[12:21] Jason: tweet it!
[12:21] Jason: the world needs to know
[12:22] Jenni: get yer bladder plugs or you will pee pee your underwears!
[12:22] Jason: just try to watch the show without moving your lips, cuz they'll be splayed wide open laughing!
[12:23] Jenni: let's have a jeff dunham show battle on twitter
[12:23] Jenni: and then copy paste it to our blog
[12:23] Jason: how's that work?
[12:23] Jason: just what we're doing now?
[12:23] Jenni: yes
[12:23] Jason: we're gonna lose followers
[12:23] Jenni: i'll post, then you try to top me
[12:24] Jenni: oh.
[12:24] Jenni: yeah.
[12:24] Jenni: or gain!
[12:24] Jason: AIM battle works
[12:24] Jason: or maybe
[12:24] Jenni: he's the most popular comic in the english-speaking world and also among the underground but very real world of anthropomorphic peppers
[12:25] Jenni: ok how about this
[12:25] Jenni: we do it here do a post on HITA
[12:25] Jenni: then tweet that
[12:25] Jenni: OR NOT
[12:25] Jenni: life is full of choices
[12:25] Jason: that works
[12:25] Jenni: mostly choices about whether or not to kill babies
[12:25] Jason: just imagine if you got bombarded with 30 jeff dunham tweets...
[12:26] Jenni: i think that was last year's best-selling dc comic
[12:26] Jason: you'd think to call the cops cuz that tweeter must be in trouble and is begging for help in code
[12:26] Jenni: like when someone is on facebook saying they're out of the country and lost their passport and traveler's checks, and could you send them $5k please
[12:27] Jason: dunham? america wants to doham!
[12:27] Jason: yes, exactly
[12:28] Jenni: i'm out of jeff dunham jokes
[12:28] Jenni: i had a bunch and then i don't know what happened
[12:29] Jenni: jealousy
[12:29] Jason: it's tough
[12:29] Jason: hard to compete with an old man puppet
[12:29] Jason: or a jalapeno
[12:29] Jenni: terrorist skeleton puppet come ON
[12:29] Jenni: you can't top it
[12:29] Jason: undead michael jackson puppet
[12:29] Jason: boom
[12:29] Jason: topped it
[12:29] Jason: i'm gonna get my own show now
[12:30] Jenni: what else you got, tho
[12:30] Jenni: you need about 10 puppets
[12:30] Jason: patrick swayze puppet
[12:30] Jason: all my puppets will be dead people
[12:30] Jenni: so basically everyone who's died recently
[12:30] Jenni: there's a lot of comedy in death
[12:31] Jason: a puppet that's a hand
[12:31] Jason: that'll blow people's minds
[12:32] Jason: wait. that's basically a glove
[12:32] Jenni: no no
[12:32] Jenni: well i mean you could go the hamburger helper way
[12:32] Jason: i'm listening
[12:32] Jenni: or you could do a puppet that looks like i giant hand balled into a fist with a face drawn on it
[12:32] Jenni: that's metameta
[12:33] Jason: or a jeff dunham puppet
[12:33] Jenni: it would have to have a mustache
[12:33] Jason: that controls other puppets
[12:33] Jenni: that's deep but can you throw your voice in that many directions

As Jason likes to say, "Get 'er Dunham. That's a freebie."

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Up, Up and Away Art Show

Halloween is coming up, but before your senses get overloaded with sweet candy and naughty outfits for every random vocation under the sun, take in some culture by visiting Monkeyhouse Toys in Los Angeles. This Saturday from 5pm - 9pm is the opening reception for Monkeyhouse's group art show, "Up, Up and Away," which, believe it or not, has nothing to do with the Balloon Boy. Instead, it's a superhero-themed show, and here's a preview of my painting of The Thing:

"Clobberin' Time"
acrylic on 8" x 10" canvas

Up, Up and Away group art show
Monkeyhouse Toys

October 24th - November 29th, 2009

Opening reception October 24th 5-9pm

I'm listed on the art show postcard as "and more..."

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

R.I.P. Captain Lou Albano

You know who's a dick? OK, fine, John Gosselin, yes. But you know who else? The year 2009 is a dick. This year has killed more than its fair share of celebrities, and 2009 has just taken its toll on another star.

R.I.P. Captain Lou Albano
Wrestling Superstar, Music Video Dad, Captain, Rubber Band Enthusiast, Super Mario
July 29, 1933 - October 14, 2009

(This Mario is a Mighty Mugg I customized for Jenni's birthday.)

This morning, Captain Lou Albano died at age 76. Some of you may know him from the "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" music video, where he played Cyndi Lauper's dad who asks her what she's gonna do with her life. Others may know him as a celeb from the World Wrestling Federation. Or maybe you know him as a dude who rubber-bands his beard and dresses like every day is Aloha Friday. If you're Hands in the Air, then you have fond memories of Captain Lou portraying Mario on The Super Mario Bros. Super Show.

Monday, September 14, 2009

R.I.P. Patrick Swayze

Farewell, Patrick Swayze. Sorry, Kanye, but your scene-stealing jackassery at the MTV Video Music Awards has been upstaged by some truly sad news, and you really don't have a chance this time to interrupt it. As a tribute to the star of Dirty Dancing, Point Break, Red Dawn, Road House and To Wong Foo, I'm reposting this picture of Jenni and Steve (from one of my Valentine's posts) where they're re-enacting the famous scene from Ghost that redefined pottery as we know it.

Patrick Swayze
Actor, Dirty Dancer
August 18, 1952 - September 14, 2009

He's like the wind. Ditto.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Disney Marvel Team-Up

This morning Disney announced that it's acquiring Marvel Entertainment along with the 5,000-plus characters from its superhero universe. The implications are of hulking proportions. First, it means that Disney's Jonas Brothers will be getting some serious competition for who wears the tightest pants at the Mouse. It also means that there could be some crossovers like Howard the DuckTales, That's So Kraven or sorcerer supreme Dr. Strange visiting Waverly Place. Even Pixar could end up making a Fantastic Four movie called The Incredibles.

Here are some other ideas that could come out of the Disney-Marvel team-up:

Belle meets The Beast. Oh my stars and garters!

Namor the Sub-Mariner was also up for the lead role in The Little Merman.

I'm not sure which is worse -- this joke or my lazy Photoshop job.

"Real considerate, students. I'm in a wheelchair and can't jump.
'We're all in this together,' my ass."

Toad from the X-Men comics would've worked, too,
but his tongue-based "rides" aren't really very Disney.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Dr. Seuss Art Show

Here is a preview of my two paintings for a Dr. Seuss-themed group art show that's opening at L.A.'s Monkeyhouse Toys this Saturday, August 29th.

"LOLcat in the Hat"

"Hang in There"
Watercolor and graphite

I know you're all planning to spend this weekend in the theaters watching The Final Destination 3-D ("Death saved the best for 3-D!") and Halloween II: Not in 3-D ("Rob Zombie saved the best for 2-D!"), but why not cleanse the palate by taking in some art and seeing my paintings this Saturday ("Jason saved the best for you! In 3-D! And in 2-D if you close one eye!")?

Here's the flyer with all the info and stuff:

I'll be attending the opening reception, so if I owe you money or if I might be your baby's daddy or if you need to serve me a summons, you'll know where to find me.

Oh, the Art You Will See!
Saturday, August 29th
4pm - 8pm

Monkeyhouse Toys & Art Gallery
1618 1/2 Silver Lake Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90026

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

R.I.P. John Hughes

This memorial post for John Hughes is way overdue, but I've been too preoccupied watching his Curly Sue to photograph my tribute to him. OK, so I haven't learned how to make up clever excuses like Ferris Bueller, but John Hughes has at least taught anyone who's been a teen that they're not alone, and, if they are, maybe they might be able to create Kelly LeBrock.

Anyway, here's my tribute to two of my favorite John Hughes movies.

John Hughes
Writer, director, creator of the Brat Pack
February 18, 1950 - August 6, 2009
Don't you forget about him.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Duck, Duck, Loose

Mmm-hmm. Girl, that's why your momma told you not to date a sailor.

Saturday, August 01, 2009


Oh, shit. My parade, she done been pissed on.

I guess the potty...I mean the party's over at this restroom I frequent. They are so on to me. When I'm feeling down, mischievous or just bored, I head over to the bathroom for some inconsiderate playtime.

Sometimes, I flush all half-asseded. Especially if I've left a little present in there for the next guest.

Other times, I'll pull, like, 25 seat covers and do some serious origami shit to them, like we're talking entire cherry blossom forests up in that toilet. And them paper cranes--fuck do I love them paper cranes. I'm sorry but you walk in on a little origami menagerie floatin' 'round the toi toi and you're not enchanted!?!?!? I am, and I don't mind having to flush 10 or 12 times to clear the toilet out. Tho it's fun to pee on 'em, too. Just saying.

Now and then, I'll unwind all the toilet paper from the roll, loosely roll it back, put about three feet of the end into the toilet (without tearing it from the roll) and then flush properly (for once, and with all my might). Talk about your stuffed toilet! It's like when they throw streamers off a boat but sooo much better.

Fuck. What am I going to do now that the jig is up? And how did they catch on to me? I only go like two, maybe three times an hour.

I guess I shouldn't crank up the tunes and slamdance in the stall when I do it. But it's too considerate, I feel, if you do your minor potty violations sans musical accompaniment.

Ah, well. It was fun while it lasted.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Comic-Day 3: The Rise of Cobra

Saturday at Comic-Con...

G.I. Joe action figures reporting for duty.
Most of the Cobra infantry will be parachuting out of exploding aircraft in a few minutes.

G.I. Joe cosplayers.
Probably the best Destro outfit I've seen since most look like their faces are baked potatoes in tin foil.

2:11pm @pantsarama: Just met one of the coolest Stans at Comic-Con! Not Lee, but Stan Bush! You've heard his music in Boogie Nights, Transformers animated film

2:32pm @pantsarama: I saw a woman lifting up the shirt of an Edward Cullen display doll. The saddest part was actually the sighs from passersby.

2:47pm @pantsarama: Leonard Nimoy spotting at Comic-Con. In case you've been living in a cave, he's the director of "Three Men and a Baby."

The movie prop booth had skinned a Gizmo face from Gremlins. It had to be done.

A Boo Mario costume from Mario Galaxy.

2:53pm @pantsarama: Adam Baldwin signing on the floor now. You might know him from Chuck & Firefly, or as the Baldwin who's proud not to be a Baldwin brother.

BioShock toys

Puppet Master replicas

Wrestler Rob Van Dam

The LOST panel with Jorge Reyes, Michael Emerson, Carlton Cuse, Josh Holloway, Nestor Carbonell, Damon Lindelof, Dominic Monaghan

The masquerade party with a Venture Bros. cosplayer

Fanboy in da hood. Jawa pimp!

Friday, July 24, 2009

Comic-Day 2: Revenge of the Fallen

Friday at Comic-Con!

10:37am @pantsarama: There's a dude dressed as Skeletor at Comic-Con, but he's fat. It's one instance when "big-boned" could be accurate

I saw the real Stan Lee, but this dude's costume was pretty good. He's talking to the Silk Spectre. That character (both versions) was probably the most popular outfit at the show.

11:00am @pantsarama: Stan Lee just walked by and most Comic-Con kids didn't notice. It could be because he wasn't wearing his trademark Members Only jacket

Joseph Fiennes and John Cho at ABC's FlashForward panel. It's something about people blacking out, seeing flashes of their future and then ending up at White Castle.

1:01pm @pantsarama: Dominic Monaghan made a surprise appearance at ABC's Flash Forward panel. Penny from Lost is also on that show. I hope Nikki & Paulo aren't

Transformers in costume. Bumblebee is totally hot for that Coke fridge in the background.

Characters at the Bandai booth promoting Katamari Forever.

1:16pm @pantsarama: Fun fact: If you yell "Hey, nerd!" at Comic-Con, 10,000 people will flinch and crouch into the anti-wedgie defensive position.

1:49pm @pantsarama: Too soon? Click the link in a month then.

6:05pm @pantsarama: I met one of my fave artists @taramcpherson who signed&drew in her @darkhorsecomics book for me @comiconlive.I'm outta @ symbols for the day

Pan's Labyrinth maquette.

6:10pm @pantsarama: Ran into friends outside Comic-Con. They ignored me at 1st cuz they thought I was 1 of those annoying flyer people. Nope, I'm just annoying

Madame Tussaud's wax Wolverine statue made its debut at Comic-Con. Wax claws!