Shave 4 U

Britney is bald! After a year of dominating entertainment news by dropping her husband/baby/panties, Britney Spears has resorted to a new ploy to land herself on the front pages of the tabloids by shaving her head. The stunt is almost taking some of the limelight away from Anna Nicole, who even in death is still able to snag the top story on Extra.

As Steve puts it, "Britney's carpet finally matches the drapes."

In a time when other stars are sporting hairpieces to cover up their baldness (see Nicolas Cage in Ghost Rider), Brit is bravely going Brazilian up top. Sure, Natalie Portman has already done that for V for Vendetta, but in a show of support for Britney, the Hands in the Air gang will be cue-balling it Britney-style for the day...

2006 in Review, Part 1

There's less than a week left in 2006, so it's time to take a look back at the past 360-odd days. Here are some of my random picks for the highlights and lowlights of '06:

Disturbing Trend of the Year:
Authors without Shame

• Bestselling author James Frey admits to Oprah that he fabricated his memoir, A Million Little Pieces
  
  
• How Harvard student Kaavya Viswanathan plagiarized a novel, lost a movie deal and got caught
  
  
• Jason, Jenni, Steve and Chris begin writing this blog and launch a companion podcast

Even Father Time wastes half a checkbook making that stupid mistake.

Silliest New Words of the Year:

• "Firecrotch"
• "SexyBack"
• "Suri Cruise"
  

Best New Phrases of the Year:

• "Sugartits" - Mel Gibson
• "Ching-chong, ching-chong, Danny deVito, ching-chong, ching-chong, The View" - Rosie O'Donnell.
  
  As a real-life Ching-Chongese-American, I think Rosie's interpretation of the language is almost as good as my fat lesbian imitation: "Lilith Fair, Lilith Fair, porkchops, Indigo Girls, Indigo Girls, all-you-can-eat buffet."

Worst New Phrases of the Year:

• "Lock the Cashbox/Stop the Catbox"
  This is from that dumb phone ad where two guys are singing the wrong lyrics to The Clash's "Rock the Casbah." Somehow they managed to download the song by name, but they still couldn't make the connection that the title lyric was being sung in the chorus. That's just lazy joke writing, Madison Avenue.
  
  
• "Save the Cheerleader, Save the World"
  NBC's motto for Heroes didn't quite turn out to be the t-shirt/bumper sticker slogan it was hyped to be. No matter how many times the phrase was ominously whispered at the end of the show with eerie reverb effects, it still sounded superstupid rather than superheroic.

Annoying Trend of the Year:
Random people making awful Borat impressions
The real Borat is funny, but why do unfunny people insist on imitating him? Very niiice? No, not at all.

Baffling Movie Phenomenon of the Year:
High School Musical
I have no idea why a story about singing co-eds became one of the biggest TV movies and DVDs of the year

Movie Phenomenon of the Year That Wasn't:
Snakes on a Plane
The movie delivered everything it promised! What more do you want, America? Singing snakes in varsity jackets?

Best Song of the Year:
"Phantom Limb" - The Shins
The full album, Wincing the Night Away, doesn't come out until January 23, 2007, but the lead single is already my favorite song of this year

15 Favorite Albums of the Year:

1. The Life Pursuit - Belle & Sebastian
2. Hearts and Unicorns - Giant Drag
3. Everything All the Time - Band of Horses
4. The Crane Wife - The Decemberists
5. Mr. Beast - Mogwai
6. Cansei de Ser Sexy - CSS
7. Carnavas - Silversun Pickups
8. You in Reverse - Built to Spill
9. The Electricity in Your House Wants to Sing - i am robot and proud
10. Show Your Bones - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
11. Duper Sessions - Sondre Lerche and the Faces Down Quartet
12. I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass - Yo La Tengo
13. Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not - Arctic Monkeys
14. The Audience's Listening - Cut Chemist
15. The Eraser - Thom Yorke

Some Notable Deaths in 2006:
James Brown, Gerald Ford, Steve Irwin, Joseph Barbera, Coretta Scott King, Aaron Spelling, Don Knotts, Lou Rawls, Chris Penn, Robert Altman, Peter Boyle, Mickey Spillane, Desmond Dekker, Shelley Winters, Dennis Weaver, Peter Benchley, Darren McGavin, Jack Palance, Oleg Cassini, Buck Owens, Billy Preston, Wilson Pickett, Eddie the dog from TV's Frasier, Maureen Stapleton, H.R. Pufnstuf kid Jack Wild, Gerald Levert, Mike Douglas, Tamara Dobson (Cleopatra Jones), Syd Barrett, The Breakfast Club principal Paul Gleason, Ed Bradley, Chef on South Park, UPN, The WB

Britney Spears' To-Do List 2007:
Learn how to be a good mom
Learn how to pick a good husband
Learn how to wear panties in public

______

R.I.P. X-Men Comic Artist Guy

It's past a week overdue, but here's a memorial to Dave Cockrum, the comic book artist who's probably best known for his work on the X-Men comics. Cockrum apparently died in his Superman pajamas, which seems pretty appropriate... Sorta like if Britney Spears were to die without panties.

Dave Cockrum
Comic Book Artist
November 12, 1943 - November 26, 2006

An Iron Fist comic book cover by Dave Cockrum featuring Storm, Nightcrawler and Colossus, who were among some of the X-Men he co-created

Sean Preston Is So Not Overprotected

Y'all, raising a baby is hard.

Sure, Britbrit appears to have driven her SUV with son Sean Preston in her lap, apparently to escape aggressive paparazzi, who of course got shots of it all. I think there's some irony tucked away in there somewhere. But come on, she's a new mommy, and we should try to see from her perspective. Yeah, there must be a better way, and she shouldn't believe in taking chances with her son.

But who am I to say what a girl is to do? Who are any of us to say? There weren't even laws about seatbelts or baby restraints or whatever when we were kids, and we all made it. Besides, she was only two minutes from home. No excuse, but it's not like she was driving on the highway going 90 with Sean Preston's head hanging out the window like a stupid dog or something. That's sort of a funny image, actually. I picture the baby fat in his cheeks flapping in the wind, and drool trailing behind him. Aww!

Ahhh anyway, it seems like the Department of Family and Child Services might get involved, which I think is a bit silly in the LA area, where, you know, I'm relatively certain actual child abuse and endangerment is going on all over the damn place.

So I guess the paparazzi win this time. Twice.



I was alerted to this story and encouraged to write something about it by the only person I know who cares even more about Britney Spears' every move than I do, Lisa Weseman.