The Doghouse

I'm no preachy veggo-pounding animal rights nutbar. I love meat. I wear leather. I even like fur coats. Yes I said it, I think fur coats are pretty--and so cuddly! Also, why the outrage over fur in partik, isn't leather just as bad?

But I do think animals should be treated as well as possible, you know, until you get hungry or need a new pair of shoes. And pets, well, pets are something else entirely. They're an animal you invite into your home for selfish reasons--you want a friend, you need protection, your feet get cold at night, you're blind--and the animal helps you out with that shit. So they deserve a bit of consideration. They are doing you a solid, you self-centered bastards. Damn.


Nooo, Batman! Ace the Bathound deserves better. And, uh, aren't you dead or something?

So I came upon this article, "Facing Foreclosure? 3 Reasons Not to Abandon Your Pets" and it just seems crazytown to me. Three reasons? How about just one: because it's a terrible thing to do, and if you do it, then you're a (homeless) monster. Is that not reason enough to let Fluffy take up residence in your car with you? Or at least take her to a shelter, or ask your friends who are better with money than you are to take her in? Sheesh.

But I still kind of can't get over it. I know people are generally crapbuckets, but don't people allegedly love their pets or something? I've loved all my pets and could never do something like that. In fact, I had a cat, Nigel, and because he loved my sister more than me, I gave him to her permanently when I moved away from Ohio. I mean she threatened to kill me if I took him, but the point is, I did what was best for Nigel, not the selfish thing that was best for me.

But still, there the choices were Nigel has a home in Seattle or Nigel has a home in Cleveland. In no way can I fathom just locking up the house that's no longer mine with my cat or dog still inside. What kind of fucked up heartless-ass shit is that? And (I think the article mentioned this) pets bring you comfort. Why would you give away one of your best friends at a low point in your life? I guess these people are bad with money, cold-hearted and stupid. You'd almost feel sorry for them if they weren't worthless cockknockers who don't deserve any sympathy ever at any time.

Fuckers.

Jenni Does an About Facebook

Jason and I resisted Facebook for a long time. But then, well, we gave in. It's actually pretty nice--I've gotten back in touch with a couple of people that I probably wouldn't have otherwise. But mostly, it's stirring up all kinds of angst on my side, when I see that people have friended someone but not me or whatever.

Almost everyone I know has hundreds of friends, which is just weird. I'm only friending people I either truly like a lot, or I think can help me with something someday. Ahem. Mostly people I like, tho! ;) I'm not sure I even know of hundreds of people. Or want to.

Here's some recent drama, with all the truly horrible shit I said that also could help identify the people I said it about excised (hey, they're my friends!):

[09:02] Jenni: okay now i'm pissed
[09:02] Jenni: i see in my news feed that booboo and snuggles* are now friends
[09:02] Jenni: but that mofo won't friend me?!?!?
[09:02] Jenni: oh that's it
[09:02] Jenni: i'ma slap a bitch
[09:16] Jason: me neither. whatta dick
[09:16] Jenni: i know, right? what the hell?
[09:16] Jenni: who the fuck does he think he is?
[09:23] Jenni: ooooohhhhhh
[09:23] Jenni: i'm angry
[09:26] Jenni: he's a dead man
[09:26] Jenni: DEAD I TELL YOU

and then later...

[12:21] Jason: invitation from snooperbear*
[12:21] Jason: you get one?
[12:21] Jenni: dunno lemme check
[12:21] Jenni: how sad if that's my first invite
[12:53] Jenni: NO SNOOPERBEAR
[12:54] Jenni: he's dead to me
[12:54] Jenni: dead
[12:54] Jenni: who does he think he is, etc.
[12:54] Jenni: i can't work up rage twice in one day

This is sure to change soon, so I might as well brag about it: I have like one more friend** than Jason. Yay me! There's no popularity like virtual popularity!

The end.


*Not their real names
**As I publish this (two weeks after I started the post), Jason now has one more friend than I do. Which is the opposite of real life. Enjoy your virtual popularity, JJ! (I will have disdain for it until I'm more virtually popular than he is, and then it will be cool again.)

Can We Get Back to Anna Nicole Yet?

Out magazine has been making some headlines over the past couple of days for their "bold" decision to run models holding cut-outs of Jodie Foster and Anderson Cooper on their cover for a feature called "The Glass Closet." I'd encourage you to read it because, while I don't agree with everything it has to say, it's at the least well written. I'll quickly summarize in saying that the article is about those celebrities, like Foster and Cooper, who "we" all know to be gay, but won't come out and admit it, why, and why they should. This point is hammered home by the cover image, which I'll say is ballsy in a "they can't possibly sue because it'll either make them look homophobic or even more gay" way. For a magazine for gay people, a pretty persecuted group the world over, this surprisingly smacks of voyeurism and intolerance.

Anderson Cooper and Jodie Foster just doin' what comes naturally. Or, not. Whichever. It's really none of our bidness. But, it looks kind of hot in toy form. I'm just saying.

Quick--someone asks if you're gay or not. What do you do? You might say "no," since it could happen to be both true and socially acceptable pretty much anywhere. But the correct answer is "none of your goddamn business," because it's not. For a town with its fair share of gay people and even more people who claim to be tolerant of gay people, Hollywood and the tabloid industry it sustains sure seems awfully interested in who is and who isn't. My question is, "why"? I would certainly count myself as a gay-friendly person, but I also feel that inquisitive urge to know when some A, B, C or Z-list star is caught in a gay bar. My point is that's an urge we should be fighting, because it's disrespectful. It's none of our goddamn business.

I also don't get what the magazine and the author of the article hopes will happen should someone like Jodie Foster or Anderson Cooper come out of the closet. Do they think that gay-bashers and other people intolerant of homosexuality will suddenly be like, "shit, the guy who reads the news on CNN is a queer? Maybe they ain't so bad!" No. The people who really hate gays refer to people like Jodie Foster or Anderson Cooper as "filthy, Hollywood liberals." They EXPECT them to be gay, because to them, anyone living within 300 miles of an ocean is a devil-worshipping sodomite. They don't relate to Jodie Foster. Shit, homegirl hasn't made a good movie since Silence of the Lambs. Have you seen Contact? That shit's boring even in the heartland.

If you want to blow some gay-haters' minds, put a fatty with a Rush Limbaugh cut-out over his face on your cover. There's some circumstantial evidence for his gayness, because no 100% straight man is this attracted to Mary Lynn Rajskub, I don't care how much 24/geek cred she has. Or what about Pat Robertson? He claims to love God a whole lot, and I'll bet if you ask him, God's a dude.

Is it that they think gay people will suddenly feel assured that they have more "spokespeople" for their lifestyle? I'm sorry--being a white, heterosexual male in America, I don't know shit about being persecuted, but I know that if I was, I wouldn't want a movie star or a cable news personality to be my figureheads. They're people with lives--go find poster children someplace else. It's not their jobs to inspire or lead anyone, so Out needs to stop acting like they're entitled to it. Lots of gay people face intolerance every day. Lots of gay people face losing their jobs, their friends and their families if they come out. Are these people any less inspiring because they don't risk losing a multi-picture deal or an exclusive cable contract? Because that seems to be what Out is saying.

I don't know if Jodie Foster or Anderson Cooper are gay, and I kinda don't care. If someday they come out of their "glass closets," good for them. If they're fine where they're at, that's just as good. Sometimes not caring how someone else chooses to live their life is about as tolerant as we human beings get. But I do know that, for now, people like Jodie Foster and Anderson Cooper aren't allowing themselves to be pressured by a hungry media and our insatiable, sick curiosity. They're saying, albeit in a much more subdued, polite manner, their personal lives are none of our goddamn business. That's pretty inspiring, too.