The Lady and Her Tramps

Jason and I went to see Lady Gaga on Jimmy Kimmel the other night. Jason heard about the performance, sent an email, we ended up in the front row. That's just how we livin'. You know.

But! I guess people could, like, get in if they waited for a really long time, like camped out or whatever.

Unsurprisingly, the people who have the time, energy and motivation to do that are, for the most part, young. Now Jason and I are extra super young ourselves, so usually, we're cool with the youngins. They're cool with us. It's hard to tell us apart! (We look younger than the teens, that's how you can tell who's who.)

Oy these kids. Lady Gaga is known for really loving and appreciating her fans, but I basically hate a good majority of them (I have history hating the fans of bands I love.) Now that I've revealed I'm a hateful person, let me also be a hateful writer by concluding this piece with a probably disjointed list of those gaga for Gaga last night:

They have horrible manners. The brats who ended up next to/behind me harassed and physically assaulted the tall adult dude and his lady in front of them until they gave up and I think left entirely. The shorter one, and truly, the most amazingly short 15-year-old I've ever seen, apparently kicked the tall dude in the back of his legs until finally his knees buckled and he turned to them and said "I give up." Classy.

They've obviously not been to many shows. The kids on both sides tried dance-bouncing into me to displace me. Standing with my elbows out made quick work of that. During the long wait for Gaga to show, they also screamed with every test of the lights or roadie movement. Embarrassing.

They believe in magic. The teeny tweenie bopper next to me was sure Lady Gaga "Looked her right in the eyes" and "Can totally hear me!" She thought Gaga could hear her from her dressing room or wherever she was.

They have no fashion sense, you guys. Oh the outfits I saw. Oh the hair. Oh the makeup. You'd just think people who liked Gaga would like style or at least spectacle. Nope. They like the bargain racks and sleeping in way late.

Man I really am hateful. I don't hate the youth. Just the youths who scream in my ear. And sing along poorly to Lady Gaga. And yell "Show us your ass!" at Lady Gaga. And talk nonstop about how they can't breathe, except for when they're screaming "Show us your ass!"

This post was really just an excuse for Jason to post his pics. All my hate is just a bonus.

Jason Attends American Music Awards, Declares He Is... Sasha Fierce

On Sunday, I spent my second year hanging out in the green room of the American Music Awards for work. No, I don't work as a male escort, caterer or makeup artist, and I actually didn't have much to do, so I spent the whole show Twittering and Facebooking the backstage events.

For those of you who don't subscribe to my twats (I think that's past-tense of twitter), here's the transcript in chronological order:

1:53 PM Nov 23rd
Off to American Music Awards, where I'll be hanging in the green room. To prepare, I've marinated myself in Jack Daniels & Axe Body Spray.

3:08 PM Nov 23rd
Riding shuttle to American Music Awards w/ white dreadlocked catering guy. Oh, how far Soul Asylum has fallen.

3:36 PM Nov 23rd
Escaped confused mob of David Archuleta fans at AMAs. I look nothing like a Monchichi.

4:39 PM Nov 23rd
Just saw Ashley Tisdale, T-Pain and Jamie Foxx at the AMA green room.

4:54 PM Nov 23rd
American Music Awards backstage update: Daughtry and Jamie Foxx just chatted. Neither is very tall.

5:06 PM Nov 23rd
Saw one of Christina Aguilera's female backup dancers up close backstage about 10 mins ago. Yiiiiiiiikes.

5:11 PM Nov 23rd
Watching Weiland getting his makeup done. David Cook and Lance Bass also in the hizzy.

5:16 PM Nov 23rd
Holy crap! Ron Jeremy just showed up backstage. I might be at the wrong awards show...

5:25 PM Nov 23rd
Jordan Knight from New Kids on the Block just swung into the green room, fresh from his performance.

5:44 PM Nov 23rd
Why is Billy Ray Cyrus wearing gloves backstage?

5:55 PM Nov 23rd
I'm surprised at how tall David Archuleta is in real life. He must be at least a whopping 5'0! Julianne Hough is the same height.

6:13 PM Nov 23rd
Watching Julianne Hough talk to Daughtry backstage. Redhead Pussycat Doll and Kate Walsh just walked in...

6:22 PM Nov 23rd
Colbie Caillat looks pretty hot in person. She's blinging it backstage with a huuuuge rock on her finger.

6:39 PM Nov 23rd
Ashley Tisdale and Julianne Hough have been chatting backstage at a table for a looong while. Let's hope they make a Disney movie together.

6:42 PM Nov 23rd
Guess I saw The Fray backstage and I didn't know it. Seeing them on the monitor now and still don't know it's them.

6:43 PM Nov 23rd
WTF? Brigitte Nielsen is here?!!?

6:49 PM Nov 23rd
Nick Lachey, Vanessa Minillo and everyone else in the green room is glued to the monitor watching Beyonce perform.

6:53 PM Nov 23rd
The AMA green room is a ghost town now. Julianne Hough, Brigitte Nielsen and everyone else left after Beyonce finished performing.

7:12 PM Nov 23rd
Motley Crue just walked in. Mick Mars is tiny.

7:18 PM Nov 23rd
Sarah McLachlan just entered the AMA green room. She was followed by an ethereal glow, seven angels and a unicorn.

7:41 PM Nov 23rd
Steven Tyler and Richie Sambora are catching up backstage...

7:47 PM Nov 23rd
Joe Perry and Nikki Sixx joined in on the convo. It's monsters of rock back here at the American Music Awards.

8:02 PM Nov 23rd
American Music Awards are over. Time for the afterparty on top of the Nokia garage. Wheeeeee!

Yay, music!
This is a test photo for the new stop-motion Christmas music video I'm working on. Check back in a few weeks to watch it!

Jason Goes to American Music Awards, Redefines "Fergalicious"

The American Music Awards ceremony was held this past Tuesday, and I was somehow able to attend the show and after-party. Through my fancy-pants job, I got to hang out in the green room for the entire show, so I rubbed elbows with almost all of the American Music Award presenters and performers before they hit the stage. Here's the scoop on the backstage dirt...

• Ashlee Simpson, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie did a lot of talking together, as did Christian Slater and William Shatner. Not a lot of crossover between those two worlds, though, I guess.
  

• Miley Cyrus was all "long-time-no-see" with Mario Lopez. I think they both attended Bayside High or something.
  

• Even though he was introducing them, Tony Hawk said he'd never heard The Pussycat Dolls' music. Some of us should be so lucky.
  

• Tender Paris Hilton moment: When Paris entered the green room and was greeted with "Hey, Silly!" by Nicole Richie. They really are friends!

• Creepy Paris Hilton moment: Paris inviting all the celebrity backstagers to "another house party" of hers, resulting in her actually extending the invitation to Taylor Hicks.

• Bizarre Paris Hilton moment: Paris phoning someone to pick her up and having to repeat "This is Paris" five times.

• Fallout Boy was asked to perform their hit song but didn't want to do old material so they threw together a new song for the show. It was only two weeks old and sounded like it.
  

• The blond kid from the cast of High School Musical was the only celebrity who threw away his plastic plates and water bottles rather than waiting for the caterers to do it. He actually bussed the table for the rest of his castmates, too. It's good to know some actors are bracing themselves for waitstaff careers.

For the official after-party at the Shrine, it seemed like almost all of the celebrities ditched it for bigger and better shindigs. Word on the street was that Jay-Z was having his own party. Maybe for his re-un-retirement.

The Shrine ballroom apparently wasn't decorated as opulently as it had been for past events like the Emmys. It resembled a school gym having some sort of "Jazz Night." I spotted only a handful of stars at the party:

• Aly & AJ, who were making a pretty early exit

• "Weird Al" Yankovic, who was busy in the buffet line

• The cast of High School Musical, who I'm pretty sure are all too young to attend any of the better parties anyways

• Joe Francis, or as one woman boldly declared within earshot of the two ladies he had in tow, "There's that jerk from Girls Gone Wild."

I actually saw a middle-aged woman excitedly getting her photo taken with Joe Francis. That just seemed wrong to me. Damn. Now that I think of it, I totally should've lifted up my shirt for them. Maybe next year.