Twit Wit

You might think microblogging is stupid. Okay maybe it is. Maybe all blogging is stupid, at least the way I do it.

But sometimes, it's also awesome.

Here are my poetic, damn-near epic posts from today on the Twitter:

I had an espresso truffle at Starbucks, a drink that has a candy name because it is basically liquid candy. I am so high right now.

Coming down from espresso truffle high. Very much like a scene from Trainspotting. My forehead might blow wide open.

Seriously I think I might puke chocolate coffee out of my nostrils and eye holes.

It's in my blood and it's making my veins dance. I am not coming down after all. This shit should be regulated by the gubment.

I am now at a higher frequency than the rest of you. You all look like you're moving in slow motion.

I think maybe I'm existing in at least one or two additional dimensions. I feel them, anyway. Chococoffee demon, what have you done?

Espresso truffle: doorway to dreamtime or Oz or Wonderland or some shit. I am remembering the future and have on some truly bitchin' shoes.

I couldn't even drink the whole thing. A whole espresso truffle would probably Benjamin Button my ass. I would have a baby ass.

What if I drank the rest? It's still on my desk. Cold coffee chocolate elixir. I would either die, or spontaneously evolve, like a Pokemon.

Now just imagine getting that in dribs and drabs, all day long. Yep, it's just that good. Better than half the shit on cable, and it's free! For serious, how could you not want to hear all about my incredible adventures with controlled substances, my bitching about people in my office building, or my "witty" observations? You know you do. It's ok. We all do. I go back and read them just to remind myself of how frakkin' sweet, full and rich my life is. My life is like that cake you make with cake mix and Jell-O, and you poke the cake and then there are like Jell-O stripes in the cake and maybe mayonnaise-based frosting or Dream Whip for frosting, something like that.

Also, follow Jason because he's glamorous like Fergie and slightly more Fergalicious, if you can believe it.

You could also just read the Twitter things we have in our sidebar, but that's just there to entice y'all to follow us follow us. Just sayin'.



P.S., I am still thinking about having a baby ass. I guess if your ass is a baby ass, you have to wear diapers. But is it also small like a baby's ass, or is it adult-sized but just silky smooth and unable to control the pee pee and poo poo flow? I don't know, man. If I have another espresso truffle, I might find out.