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Monday, May 07, 2007

Celebrities Under the Influence

While tabloid TV shows like Extra are preoccupied with reporting that Anna Nicole is still dead, the real juicy gossip from this past weekend involves celebs and the bottle.

First, David Hasselhoff was shown drunk, on the floor and struggling to eat a hamburger in a videotape more publicly shameful than his appearance in Nick Fury: Agent of Shield.

Talking to a car was the first that hint the 'Hoff had a problem.

The next big bit o' weekend wino gossip is that Ty Pennington, host of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and designer of Sears towels, got busted on suspicion of drunk driving.

What's really noteworthy about the story (besides the fact that Sears reportedly touts "designer" towels) is that the scandal is just begging to be made over with home improvement puns... Ty got hammered! He was drinking a screwdriver! The cops nailed him! He applied some stucco and a faux patina to age up rumpus room! OK, so they're not all winners, but you can at least be guaranteed that if he ends up serving time, his cell will have sweetest racecar bed and beachfront mural in the county. If only Paris Hilton were so handy.

Ty one on!

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