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Monday, May 12, 2008

What if H.G. Wells Lived in the Swingin' '70s?

Yeah, see, I was going to work on a clever title for this post but thanks to the topic of this post, I don't have to. Standards, they are a-changin'. We don't need to try anymore! The good times are here, writers (and by writers I mean everyone--hell, we all can write something, am I right?!?! Can you sign an "X" on a piece of paper? Great! You can be a screenwriter!) because any damn thing you wanna slap together is good enough for a movie, so it's sure as hell good enough for some bullshit blog post.

I'm speaking, of course, about the groundbreaking, world-changing future epic, Hot Tub Time Machine.

Yes, that's right, Hot Tub Time Machine. If you can be bothered, do read the article I linked, it's short--and it sounds like a joke, doesn't it? I mean, even more so than just the name itself, that is. All right you lazy bastards, here's the best part:

"We're always looking for ways to stand out from the rest of the pack in today's crowded marketplace, and what better way than to combine hot tub debauchery and the complications of time travel," said MGM executive vice president production Cale Boyter.

Fuck yeah, Cale Boyter. I likes the way you thinks. What better way to stand out, indeed. I'm guessing the complications of time travel make it hard to keep the water at a perfect 100 degrees, and my God, what it must do to the jets! Uh-oh, somebody lost their shorts in the 16th century! What to do?!?!? I know! Beer run...just don't set it to 1920s America again, kids! That was sure a bust last time!!!

So now that I know even a writer of Hands in the Air caliber has a shot at putting together some optionable movie ideas, I went ahead and knocked some out.

Going back to the Wells

Strip Club War of the Worlds
"I hear Martians are butterfaces--but the lap dances are f'in worth it, bro."

The Funtime Sexy Island of Dr. Moreau
"The bitches on that island are animals, bro."

Coed Naked Invisible Man
"If I wasn't naked, you'd see my clothes and then I couldn't spy on you when you shower, bro."

Swinggity Swung

Key Party Space Station
"In space, no one can hear you cream (all over that alien's hot wife while he's bangin' somebody else's wife)."

Waterbed Worm Hole
"He got it up on the wrong side of the bed--make that the wrong side of the galaxy!"

Summer Fun

Swimming Pool Death Ray
"Welcome to our ool--you'll notice there's no "p" in it, but there is a motherfucking* death ray! So don't piss in our pool!"

Tropical Drinks 'n' Clones
"I ordered a double."

*Not very PG-13 but remember when there were big cuss words and boobs in PG movies? That time will come again. Or the opposite. I ain't no future teller, bro.

1 comment:

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