Hands in the Air: Freddy, Steady, Go!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Freddy, Steady, Go!

Now in theaters. This is my tribute in toys to this movie season's A Nightmare on Elm Street, the horror reboot starring the scariest pedophile in a Christmas sweater since your creepy uncle.

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Random Celebrity Sighting of the Moment

Sarah Lancaster
Tue 5/3 eating pizza at the head of the table with her girlfriends at Caioti in Studio City. She plays Ellie, the sister, on TV's Chuck.

Breckin Meyer
Fri 4/8 eating at Bea Bea's in Burbank. He dude with the nose from Clueless, Road Trip and Garfield.

Mare Winningham
Tue 4/5 also eating at Bea Bea's in Burbank. She's from Mildred Pierce and St. Elmo's Fire. She always looks sad even though she's not Breckin Meyer.

James Cromwell
Pretty much every time we go to Art's Deli on Ventura Blvd. in Studio City. He's the farmer from Babe and Jack Bauer's dad from 24.

The Sidebarrio

I grew up in the sidebarrio, man. It's no place for a kid. Sometimes you'd see a family of ten in a tiny column no wider than 35 characters. It's brutal, just brutal. Ain't nobody lookin too hard at no sidebar, yo. Yeah, we got away with things--but things got away with us, too, you know what I'm sayin'? It's a struggle to survive way down in the Sidebarrio. And I ain't talking no top of the sidebar section, where the fancy folks pretend to be slumming in their loft-style converted spaces. This is the for real Sidebarrio, practically the gutter, you dig?

Jenni's Genital Store

Penis massage pants. Jason's birthday is coming up, y'all.

The platypus may hold the key to the scrotum. I thought I held the key to the scrotum!

Vagina couch. Every time you get up it's like being reborn.

Minor celeb dick pics. Not that great, but there just isn't enough male nudity in this world and we need to support it.

Shave everywhere! Be sure to choose "body" not "ear & nose." A really funny promotional website for a razor that helps men manscape. That means shave their pubes.

Buy your own vulva puppet for the greatest puppet show ever!

Two good reasons to be a spiny anteater: four-headed penis, and females may copulate with up to 11 males at a time. The article. The sweet video of the penis in full flower.

The New York Times talks vajayjay. Who are they, me?

A peck of packages. Okay, three. But they're in costume, and they're graded.

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Saturday, May 15, 2010

Freddy, Steady, Go!

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