The Sexiest Blog Alive

Pop Culture | Movies | Celebs | TV | Video Games | Comics | Toys | Gossip | Snark

Visit the new Tumblr blog at

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Jenni, The eBaby

When parts of my life aren't the greatest, I often retreat into shopping. (And NSFW articles. Like this one.)

Lately, that shopping has been happening on eBay. If I had free time, I would totally hit garage sales and flea markets and estate sales and what not but I ain't got no free time. So it's eBay when I should be sleeping.

I've added to my mermaid collection for my bathroom, I bought a kinda bargain Super Queen I've been wanting forever, and I even got a few things for other people. Probably, I don't remember.

I tend to go off the rails and just start searching for anything and everything. When I come across something delightful, I'll post it here. I've got three favorites for you today.

Don't Die Baby

If you didn't have to check out books from the same Catholic school library I did, you probably have never heard of this. But if you did...let's just say you're warming up your PayPal account. This shit is parochial scholar crack in book form, just the type of aww damn storytelling you need to wash your brain of Bible stories and what not. Amen.

The Ladies of The Flintstones S&M Print

Eat shit, Lascaux Cave drawings--here is some real prehistoric art. It's the ladies of the Flintstones, plus Dino, having a gay old time. Modern stone age family, indeed.

Happy Fisherman Apron

There are several items with the heartwarming theme of a fisherman standing in deep water, getting a blowie from a fish. Obviously one of my favorite themes, ever, artistic or otherwise*. But this is the greatest of the happy fisherman items. The best part of this super amaze Mexican souvenir? Bonus foam penis (click thru to the auction, y'all). I kind of feel like there should be a fish potholder on the dick there but I'm only half-Mexican.

I want so much to believe that fishermen honestly would be happy with this type of arrangement. Like they're painting their penises to look like worms so maybe they'll score a fellate o'fish.

But then, they ultimately catch the fish, I'm guessing, because of what they've put into it. It's probs delish--sort of like when you marinate meat with a syringe except that syringe is your wee-wee. And you don't want to bang a mermaid like 18 years later and then she turns to you and says "OH MY GOD, DAD?" And then you've got to catch her and eat her, too. I think I just wrote a Korean movie.**

Oh, eBay. You're the greatest.

*Can someone write like an Opera or something about fishermen getting blow jobs from fish? Maybe in German. I would also accept a sand painting in a big o'l mayonnaise jar.

**Fish are just like basketball groupies, they will spit out your ejaculate and try to impregnate themselves so they can catch them a fisherman. Also, Korean movies are just fucked up.

No comments: