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Saturday, July 30, 2011

The Lady and Her Tramps

Jason and I went to see Lady Gaga on Jimmy Kimmel the other night. Jason heard about the performance, sent an email, we ended up in the front row. That's just how we livin'. You know.

But! I guess people could, like, get in if they waited for a really long time, like camped out or whatever.

Unsurprisingly, the people who have the time, energy and motivation to do that are, for the most part, young. Now Jason and I are extra super young ourselves, so usually, we're cool with the youngins. They're cool with us. It's hard to tell us apart! (We look younger than the teens, that's how you can tell who's who.)

Oy these kids. Lady Gaga is known for really loving and appreciating her fans, but I basically hate a good majority of them (I have history hating the fans of bands I love.) Now that I've revealed I'm a hateful person, let me also be a hateful writer by concluding this piece with a probably disjointed list of those gaga for Gaga last night:

They are freaky short. Why are there so many rotund, but otherwise puny young adults out there? Mainly girls. I'm guessing poor nutrition, because it's obvious they eat. They must not eat well. At any rate, I have never felt taller, thinner or prettier.

They have horrible manners. The tubby tots who ended up next to/behind me harassed and physically assaulted the tall adult dude and his lady in front of them until they gave up and I think left entirely. The shorter one, and truly, the most amazingly short 15-year-old I've ever seen, apparently kicked the tall dude in the back of his legs until finally his knees buckled and he turned to them and said "I give up." Classy.

They've obviously not been to many shows. The human Weebles on both sides tried dance-bouncing into me to displace me. Standing with my elbows out made quick work of that. During the long wait for Gaga to show, they also screamed with every test of the lights or roadie movement. Embarrassing.

They believe in magic. The teeny tubbo next to me was sure Lady Gaga "Looked her right in the eyes" and "Can totally hear me!" She thought Gaga could hear her from her dressing room or wherever she was.

They have no fashion sense, you guys. Oh the outfits I saw. Oh the hair. Oh the makeup. You'd just think people who liked Gaga would like style or at least spectacle. Nope. They like the bargain racks and sleeping in way late.

Man I really am hateful. I don't hate fatties. Just short fatties. Kidding! Just poor short young fatties. Who scream in my ear. And sing along poorly to Lady Gaga. And yell "Show us your ass!" at Lady Gaga. And talk nonstop about how they can't breathe, except for when they're screaming "Show us your ass!"

This post was really just an excuse for Jason to post his pics. All my hate is just a bonus.

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