"I'm Not a Nerd" Nerd Talk With Jenni

Look, man, I'm not a nerd. I have cool running out my...nose. I mean I'm constantly wiping away excess cool the way people with allergies wipe away snot.

But ever since I was a wee pup, I have enjoyed me some comic books. In fact, I can recall a time before I could read when I would look at the interesting images on the page and wish I knew what the stuff in the white balloons said. I won't take the opportunity to brag on how young I actually was but let's just say as soon as I could talk I asked anyone who would listen to teach me to read so I could see what the comic books said.

Anyway, and this has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Jason's going to Comic-Con and wants more relevant posts at the top of HITA, I've got a few comic-related things to discuss, and since I can't work up the energy to write multiple posts, here we are.

Pepperroneous

While I'm superexcited that Domino's wanted to pay tribute to Gotham City by naming a pizza after it, I am not sure they really hit the mark. The box says it's "cloaked in pepperoni" and also "deliciously mysterious," descriptors that seem to fit Batman more than the city he protects. Plus, he has a (deliciously mysterious) penis, which is like pepperoni before it's sliced thin and cloaking a pizza.

So I would fix the whole thing by renaming it the Batman pizza which I'm sure they wouldn't do because Batman always orders ham and pineapple pizza, mostly to antagonize Alfred.

I hope when they make movies for other superheroes, they do a better job of matching the pizza to the hero or location. Maybe Aquaman pizza with raw fish on it, or Paradise Island pizza with raw fish on it.

Who Watches the Costume Designers?

One thing I really despise is the need for nearly all of the superhero costumes in the movies to be black, or darker than they appear in the comics. Pretty much all comic adaptations do it--I'm surprised they didn't insist on making the Silver Surfer more of a charcoal or the Hulk a deep forest green while they were at it. There are exceptions--Iron Man comes to mind--but they even darkened Superman's costume. I mean, come on. Everyone is pretty familiar with how bright it is. Y'ain't foolin' nobody.

So I'm looking at the costume design for the Watchmen movie, and while I'm in no way a Watchmen purist, it does bug me that most of the characters' costumes for the movie are totally dark and silly, whereas in the comics they're pretty typical, colorful comic book stuff. And I have no idea where they're going with that Silk Spectre outfit. It looks like latex; is it not supposed to be, I dunno, silky?

Also, I guess I don't remember the book that well, but I watched the trailer for the movie, and if you didn't tell me it was for Watchmen it woulda taken me a while to figure that out. I know it's a complex story, but damned if I can figure out what part(s) of it that trailer's supposed to represent. I guess it's just supposed to look cool or something. I expected more from "the visionary director of 300." Heh.

Barbie Bullshittery

I am so in love with the seemingly trumped up furor over the Black Canary Barbie. Some dipshit Christian group or something is upset because I guess they think Black Canary's outfit is kind of bondage-y with a hint of sadomasochismo, which, I have no idea where they get that from. A little leather and fishnets and suddenly you like to tie Green Arrow up and smack him around a bit?!?!? What?!?

Am I just so used to her outfit and comic book duds in general that I can't see what the fuss is about, or what? I think Black Canary's outfit is actually is kind of covered-up, pretty tough 'n' bad-ass looking and not really that sexual. I mean, ok, almost all superhero getups are kinda sexybear if you would translate them into real life, but whatevs. You can't see her boobs! That's something!

I mean check out what Black Canary wore at a different point in her evolution:

That's much worse on so many levels, I think even Christians can agree.

And yes, I've totally preordered that Barbie, plus the sweet Batgirl, Supergirl and Wonder Woman in the series. Toys R Us has them all for preorder if you're interested. I f'in love them even if I already have three Wonder Woman Barbies and one Supergirl and Batgirl Barbie each, not to mention the Tonner versions of all three. Dolls are not nerdy so shut up.