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Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Grand Old Preggers

Teen pregnancy is totally in this year: Juno, Jamie Lynn Spears and now the daughter of John McCain's running mate. Sure, Sarah Palin's daughter, Bristol, could've stayed 2008-trendy by simply throwing on a scarf and a pair of leggings, but getting knocked up by some hockey dude is a much, much better gimmick. And lord knows we love gimmicks, like giving your kids silly names like Bristol, Piper, Willow, Trig and Track.

Anyway, give me and Jenni a good gimmick and that equals a half hour of us wasting time at work chatting about it...

Jason (1:48:30 PM):
let's do a blog post about potential names for sarah palin's daughter's baby. since all her kids have dumb names
Jenni (1:50:22 PM): ok like where we chat about it
Jenni (1:50:24 PM): or a real post
Jason (1:50:29 PM): either
Jason (1:50:33 PM): which is funnier?
Jenni (1:51:07 PM): uhh
Jenni (1:51:08 PM): dunno
Jenni (1:51:15 PM): i know which is easier, tho, bro
Jason (1:51:39 PM): which is easier, packer?
Jason (1:51:52 PM): (see that's a potential name. hoo-larious in chat)
Jenni (1:52:06 PM): chat, duh
Jenni (1:52:13 PM): chat = not a bad name for a baby
Jason (1:53:42 PM): patch, crinkle, turnip and saxophone
Jenni (1:54:35 PM): I actually like Patch. Am I a redneck?
Jenni (1:54:38 PM): Tater?
Jenni (1:54:51 PM): Hoof
Jenni (1:55:02 PM): Trailer
Jason (1:55:08 PM): trailer is good
Jenni (1:55:10 PM): Antler
Jason (1:55:34 PM): motel, fryer, anvil
Jenni (1:56:05 PM): Sunty, pronounced "Sun tea" because she really likes tea
Jenni (1:56:19 PM): made in the Alaska sun
Jason (1:56:20 PM): ooh, you doing research now?
Jenni (1:56:27 PM): no i am just making up fun facts
Jason (1:56:30 PM): nice
Jason (1:56:31 PM): frontier
Jason (1:56:37 PM): cuz alaska is the last frontier
Jason (1:56:45 PM): except for space, which is the final frontier
Jason (1:56:48 PM): so maybe "space"
Jason (1:57:02 PM): Space Palin-Hockey Guy
Jenni (1:57:36 PM): Jewno or Jookno because Juneau and also, Juno
Jenni (1:57:55 PM): and i like alternate spellings of things that don't require alternate spellings
Jenni (1:58:02 PM): that seems very northern exposure
Jenni (1:58:10 PM): ...why was that show called northern exposure
Jenni (1:58:42 PM): Jooknow, maybe, because it's like, knowledge
Jenni (1:58:47 PM): for joo
Jenni (2:00:03 PM): ...I think I just won. I don't want to call it too early, but...
Jenni (2:00:48 PM): ...Ellipsis...
Jason (2:00:48 PM): well then, to paraphrase Maury, "you are the father"
Jenni (2:01:24 PM): Remember that 90-pound toddler saying that?
Jason (2:01:53 PM): he say that to his 9-lb pork chop breakfast?
Jenni (2:02:36 PM): Chop and/or Pork would be pretty as a middle name
Jason (2:03:08 PM): totally. so would "middle"
Jason (2:03:32 PM): no wonder she keeps having kids. so many words to choose from for names
Jenni (2:03:41 PM): no it was a little chubby girl and when she hit the stage in her tasteful bike shorts and sports bra, she took one look at Maury and said "You are not the father" and then she put her hands on the sides of her face in the classic "Home Alone" style
Jenni (2:03:49 PM): and Maury lost his shit, as did I
Jason (2:04:01 PM): oh, right! now i 'member
Jenni (2:04:27 PM): I think it's nice when people really go for an odd name
Jenni (2:05:03 PM): If I ever get to name a baby by myself, it's on
Jenni (2:05:28 PM): Shinola
Jenni (2:05:56 PM): is it a boy or a girl, do you know
Jenni (2:06:03 PM): because Shinola is more on the girl tip
Jason (2:06:03 PM): don't think they know
Jenni (2:06:28 PM): Lubridor
Jason (2:06:45 PM): i think they just found out about the baby yesterday, just like the republican party did
Jason (2:06:54 PM): til then she just thought bristol was getting tubby
Jenni (2:07:21 PM): I hope that's true
Jason (2:07:43 PM): sometimes a government probe is the best pregnancy test
Jenni (2:08:05 PM): I think the '80s were the best time for hiding a teen pregnancy because there were a lot of oversized clothes then and sweatshits were still ok for everyday wear
Jason (2:08:14 PM): also, a good government probe can get you preggers, if you know what i mean
Jenni (2:08:19 PM): oh i know
Jason (2:08:58 PM): yes, the '80s must've been a good time to get knocked up
Jenni (2:09:04 PM): dude totally
Jason (2:09:11 PM): the entire "facts of life" cast was giving birth left and right, but no one suspected a thing
Jason (2:09:14 PM): not even mrs. garrett
Jason (2:09:26 PM): christ, we have our post right here
Jenni (2:09:32 PM): Mrs. Garret knew, she was making them breed for profit
Jason (2:09:34 PM): cut & paste this fucker
Jason (2:10:12 PM): this is comedy gold
Jenni (2:10:16 PM): truly
Jason (2:10:23 PM): now i know how dane cook feels after he takes a shit
Jenni (2:10:26 PM): pants will be wet, you have my word
Jason (2:11:14 PM): "pants will be wet" is my favorite Paul Thomas Anderson movie
Jason (2:11:31 PM): "i drink your milkshake... from your pants"
Jenni (2:11:39 PM): Hands in the Air: The Leader in Pants Soaking Since 2006
Jason (2:12:01 PM): this is gonna be a long post, cuz we don't know how to turn off the comedy
Jenni (2:12:20 PM): And that is why my pants budget is so out of control
Jason (2:12:31 PM): now i know how carlos mencia feels when he wakes up
Jenni (2:13:04 PM): Carlos Mencia is a bedwetter?
Jason (2:13:38 PM): if his dreams were as funny as what he thinks up when he's awake
Jenni (2:14:10 PM): And...scene!
Jason (2:14:20 PM): his jokes are like refugees rafting thru his pee-puddled bed
Jason (2:14:24 PM): damn, missed the cutoff

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