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Saturday, July 03, 2010

Sequels, or "5equels"

It's sequel season, and everyone seems to be out seeing the latest Twilight movie.

Lurking in the shadow of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, a sequel to another successful film series has been announced -- the fifth installment of the Final Destination horror flicks, titled, um, 5nal Destination.

I don't know about you, but I'm with a lotta people who think 5nal Destination reads like it's supposed to say "Anal Destination," which could put a totally different spin on the franchise (I'm hoping the tagline is "Death screws you in the end"). Steve and I were thinking the movie could be all about death's design to create elaborate Rube Goldberg chain reactions that all result in fatalities up the 5hole. Sorta like the Mousetrap board game but with assplay.

Check out our other ideas for board games that should be movies here.

Now, there have been plenty of ill-conceived movie titles out there that have you questioning why a studio would put such a ridiculous name on the marquee (anything preceded by "M. Night Shyamalan's" immediately comes to mind), but this title just flat-out 5nally rapes all previous bad movie monikers.

I really hate these math-holes who come up with ridiculous names like Se7en and now 5nal Destination, because how do you even pronounce that? Fivenal? All I think of when you say Fivenal is this adorable little scamp:

2 Fast 2 Furious was another example of math-holery, but the Vin Diesel movie Jenni really wants a sequel for is The Pacifier, which she thinks they should title, Pacifaster. Or better yet, they should just combine his racing and nanny flicks into one uberfilm:

Of course, the studios would probably need to insert a number into the title if there ever was a second installment of The Pacifier, and that could lead to some confusion as to who's in it:

At any rate, the only sequel number I think that should be shoehorned into a movie titled would be for the next Twilight movie, Breaking Dawn. Cuz really, I just wanna see people pitching tents to wait in line for something called "4king Dawn." That'd be fourkin' awesome.

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