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Wednesday, May 31, 2006

2006 TV Season Wrap-Up

The 2006 TV season is officially ending, so the Hands in the Air gang is turning in its reviews for some of the tube's most notable finales. Overall, we liked the 2006 season, but now that it's over, we're definitely dreading the summer replacements like "America's Got Talent" (which has the implied subtitle, "America Gots No Shame"). TiVo is gonna be bored this summer...

SPOILER ALERT: Some finale details for 24, Lost, American Idol, The Amazing Race, The OC and Veronica Mars revealed!

American Geritol: I could be Bo Bice's grandpa!

American Idol
Jenni: That old dude won? Oh, America, why? Is you people on drugs? I ain't never heard him sing, but the point is, his hair sucks and therefore he's not fit to be anyone's idol. What's that, you say? All the American Idols have bad hair? Oh. Oh right. Screw you America!
Chris: I don't watch this show at all. Some brunette or some gray-haired dude won. Whatever happened to Ruben and Clay?
Jason: Since when is the lead singer of The Doobie Brothers an American Idol? All I know is I’ve got a case of the McPheever and the only cure is a good pair of earplugs.
Steve: I didn't really watch this season, but I didn't have to. One look at the pudgy guy with the gray hair and the hound dog looks was all it took to know that the Soul Patrol would emerge victorious. The only question now is does the carpet match the curtains?

Lost
Chris: I actually watch this show and I must say that at the end of every season I feel screwed as the mystery gets bigger. Still I keep watching. What can I say? I am hooked (and trying to learn Portuguese)!
Steve: I thought that the finale was solid and I'm glad that we know what's in The Hatch and what crashed the plane. The only mystery left is when does the boat full of Swedish bikini models show up, because for a show based on an island, Lost is a total sausage party!
Jason: This was Lost at its cryptic best with a baffling final scene featuring some arctic guys telephoning Desmond's lady. I haven't been so confused since "Who's the Boss?" failed to answer who was the boss.
Jenni: I appreciate that a lot of crap happened, but it was like, a bunch of new crap to "answer" the old crap. They've been on that island for, what, almost two months now, right? So how'zcum nobody's made a car or telephone or tiki bar out of bamboo and shells yet?

24

Chris: What a damn disappointment. Why couldn't Jack shoot that weasel (the prez)? Also, was it just me or did they abandon the whole real-time premise for the final episode.
Jenni: This season had Forever Knight, Robocop and Warlock, so of course, it ROCKED. I hope Jack Bauer has to go undercover as a vampire in China and then maybe the Coreys and Jason Patric and the mom from Still Standing will be there as like rogue government agents or terrorists or something, but no one will mention anything because 24 is cool like that.
Jason: So, if the Chinese smuggle Jack over the international dateline, does that mean we get an extra 24 episodes? The two hours leading up to his kidnapping had so much action that even the prez got some. Conveniently, the president and first lady’s real-time nookie was the exact length of a commercial break. Thank you, sponsors!
Steve: Awesome ending to an awesome season! Jack Bauer is so badass he'll probably have defeated the Red Menace before the next season even starts. My hope is that we get Jack Bauer versus Kung Fu Masters… to the DEATH!

Veronica Mars
Steve: I was a little let down because there was really no way to know whodunnit until the finale, but otherwise it was a great finish to a great season. I'm probably most impressed with Duncan calling in a hit on that slimy Harry Hamlin.
Chris: Casablancas??? After all that, the producers drop it all on some kid that I actually liked?
Jenni: This show has one of the best casts on television--they play the sometimes outrageous drama out so well, yet deliver on the comedy front better than most sitcom casts. This show's so good I'm shocked it's not cancelled yet. I hope this whole CW thing works out. With a catchy name like that, tho, I mean, how could it fail?
Jason: A great surprise ending to TV’s most intricately woven mystery! Plus, they blew up Steve Guttenberg, but they should’ve gotten his Police Academy costar to do the explosion sound effects.

The Amazing Race

Jenni: I don't normally like hippies but damn, those hippies were awesome. Who knew hippies would make such good TV? I don't even like The Amazing Race but I loveded them hippies, baby! P.S. I bet the host of this show gets a lot of international ass. He just looks like a player.
Chris: How about the "OK Race"? What is so amazing about following a bunch of jerks around the globe doing challenges they could have done anywhere in the US?
Jason: I think the hippies made the season and deserved the $1,000,000 prize, but they’d better use it wisely. That’s a lot of money not to spend on haircuts and way too much to spend on Phish bootlegs.
Steve: I only caught a couple of episodes this time, but I was glad that the hippies won. Although, I'm far more interested in finding out how two guys like that would spend all that money. I smell a Dude, Where's My Car sequel!

The Office

Steve: Office romances never work out. Ask Jenni.
Jason: The final Vegas Night episode was a great capper to a solid season that yet again points out what an absurd hell it is to be in a 9-to-5 office. Sigh... Obviously, I’m writing this at work.
Chris: Greatest show I never watch.
Jenni: The people who are all uppity about the American version of this show 'cause they like the British version are jackasses and if they're so damn BBC'd up in here then maybe they should shove some beans on toast in their gobs and shut the hell up. Tossers.

The OC

Chris: Southern California creeps me out in the biggest way. Where did they hide all of the black people?
Jason: Yay! They killed off whiney Marissa, but it was in a cop-out car crash. Strangely, Mischa Barton’s performance as a corpse resulted in her liveliest acting all season long. They should’ve killed her off in every episode.
Steve: Ding, Dong the bitch is DEAD! The entire show had revolved around Marissa all season, and it was beyond annoying. I suggest that they replace Mischa Barton with a coat rack next season -- it'll have a nicer figure and the acting won't be nearly as wooden.
Jenni: This season was so bad that they pretty much had to resort to human sacrifice to salvage the finale. They should bring Dakota Fanning on as a child prodigy in classes with Ryan at Stanford -- I'll start watching again if Kid Chino gets some underage genius tail, and then has to punch out some dude for grabbin' her ass at a kegger.

4 comments:

Deitri said...

I don't think HITA has the pulse of its readers because I only watched one of the shows reviewed (Veronica Mars). Where are your reviews of Prison Break, My Name is Earl and Gilmore Girls?

jenni said...

Gilmore Girls SUX. You only like Prison Break 'cause of the hot guy (good reason, actually) and My Name is Earl...I don't know, why didn't we do that? It was a really good ending, full circle, all that.

kimnrowdy said...

At least you guys reviewed Lost. I'd watch Prison Break too because Wentworth Miller is so damn hot, but I've been too busy for TV.

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