Nintendildo

Welcome Nintendo fans! In case you haven't heard, the Opera Internet browser has been available on the Nintendo Wii (pronounced "Wheeee!" for the uninitiated), for a few weeks, and of course Hands in the Air is 100% compatable. That means that at this very moment, someone could be reading this post from the comfort of their couch, a Wii Remote firmly in hand. Maybe even you!

Nintendo Wii's have been notoriously hard to come by since launch in November, but we're hip here, so of course we have one at HITA HQ and hells yeah it's online. I was even able to wrestle a remote away from Jason long enough (the dude spends hours just making Miis, it's embarrassing), to get the Opera browser. And what was the first thing I looked for as I sat there on the couch, browsing the Internet on my TV? Porn, duh. Then I immediately went here to HandsintheAir.net, which is like porn for your mind.

Bondage! Babes! Hairy animals with antlers! It's Kiinky Wii Sex!

Apparently I'm not the only one with this set of priorities, either. It looks like some porn sites, seeing an opportunity (and certainly a sudden boost in traffic from users rocking the Opera browser), have begun adapting their sites to be Wii friendly. That's right, now "playing with your Wii" takes on an even filthier connotation. Now if we could only manage to get those dirty-minded Wii fanatics to make the same jump I did and come to Hands in the Air, we'd be bigger than Elvis or at least most D-list porn stars. Eat your heart out Lisa Sparxxx.

And the sexy stuff doesn't stop there. Apparently when you name your console after a childish euphemism for "penis" and shape your controller like a phallus, people tend to think naughty thoughts about it. Who knew? So some people have put together a video entitled "Wii Sex." No, it's not what you think. Okay, it IS what you think, it's just that you don't get to see any of it, which is a shame because the two people in the Internet video are ugly in the way where you would expect they would need to take their clothes off to be worth looking at.

If all of this naughty Wii stuff is getting you frisky, you can check out MapWii.com and actually find fellow Wii owners/perverts in your very own neighborhood. You guys could, like, trade naked Miis and make them screw or something. I don't know. Maybe have a Mii orgy in your Mii Parade channel. Anything that turns your new Nintendo console into a virtual Sodom and Gomorrah is heartily endorsed. After all, video games really are about playing with yourself.


Compromising photo by Jason. All models were at least 18 at the time and all of them can keep a secret.

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