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Thursday, February 01, 2007

Cartoon Network's Ratings Bomb

The good news: Boston didn't blow up. The bad news: America overreacts to a Cartoon Network guerilla marketing campaign. The other bad news: People from Boston still talk with the worst-ever accents known to humankind.

Yesterday, dozens of Lite Brites depicting the Cartoon Network's Mooninites (from Aqua Teen Hunger Force) were placed on buildings and bridges in various cities across the United States. In Boston, the electronic light boards depicting the cartoon characters -- who were characteristically flipping the middle finger -- were perceived to be bombs.

The evil Mooninites descend upon Boston! Shove that up your overproduced hard-rock-lovin' ass!

When cartoon characters flipping the bird on a Lite Brite can be perceived as a terrorist threat, it's obvious that authorities are convinced that terrorists are now going for style points. Soon, the terrorists will enter the realm of cartoon supervillainy to deliver explosives in oversized gift-wrapped boxes or other showy methods of presentation commonly used by the Joker, the Penguin or Jokey Smurf.

Why should Homeland Security tip off the terrorists whenever we decide it's safe to let our guard down?

Confuse the terrorists with the new Levity Meter, which has an inverse relationship to national security.
Lighten up, Boston!

After the faux dust from the hoax settled, the only victim claimed in the "bomb scare" was Irony, whose life was tragically lost when officials blamed Cartoon Network's corporate greed and capitalism as being un-American.

At least, the channel's Aqua Teen Hunger Force got some major press out of the ordeal. It's a great show, so be sure to watch it. And please don't misinterpret that last plug for the series as being a bomb threat.

1 comment:

jenni said...

Actually, those lightboxes were up for weeks and weeks in other cities without incident. In some places they were taken down, in others, you can still see the ones that enterprising eBayers haven't ganked in the name of the pursuit of happiness or the right to bear arms/sell shit that ain't yours on eBay, whatever.

At any rate, I think the city of Boston owes America, Cartoon Network, Time Warner, Err and Ignignokt and the band Boston an apology for being overreacting weenuses.

Speaking of the band Boston, they should hold a charity concert to raise the money Cartoon Network has said it will pay to reimburse the superpusses of Boston for their major freaking out of proportion "bomb" cleanup.