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Friday, June 30, 2006

Best News Day. Ever.

It's always good news when it's Friday, but today is even better because of two excellent news stories posted by AOL News.

First up, there's the story of a prison inmate in Pakistan who had a light bulb removed from his ass. The lonely prisoner claims that inmates or the police drugged him and then bulb-assaulted him while he was zonked out, but the doctors strongly doubt it. Chances are, the inmate needed some companionship where the sun don't shine and a light bulb went off in his head. Said light bulb was then likely seized by the inmate and promptly plugged into his exit-only socket. Someone should print up posters and t-shirts of the X-ray with the slogan, "Bad Idea."

Light bulb, right-side up, above your head = Good idea.
Light bulb, upside-down, in your ass = Bad idea.

That's the last time I let a light bulb buy me dinner!

The second story tells of a former Oklahoma judge who was found guilty on four counts of indecent exposure because he was... wait for it... using a penis pump in his courtroom. One of the judge's female court reporters testified that his little gavel was disrobed on 15 occasions, and her attention was drawn to his Exhibit A only after she heard the "sh-sh" sounds of what turned out to be his penis pump, or, in legalese, what's known as the "judge's chamber." Gives new meaning to the term "all rise."

1 comment:

Deitri said...

The judge "allegedly" shaved himself in court, too. See: