Assy Hair on Kid Actors 2006

Kid actors' assy hair has always fascinated me. So often it's nothing like the hair you see on normal kids, yet these kids are still chosen for gigs on shows perhaps as an example of what kids should aspire to on an image level. Girl kid actors usually have normal, if boring hair. If it's straight, then it's long and it usually, but not always, features bangs. Or it's long and curly, usually without bangs but occasionally with. Not a big deal. But boy kid actors--wow.

In the past, the boy kid actor assy hairdo of choice was bowl cut. While the bowl cut still appears to be a hair choice stage parents are willing to make for their children, no matter how many ass-kickings it will get them those couple days a week when they go to regular school, it has been overtaken by the edgier, and in its own way even worse, totally overgrown bowl cut. Clearly the overgrown bowl is a natural evolution of the normal bowl cut, wherein the kid actor, no doubt egged on by his manager, his mommy, and the weird guy who does his headshots thinks, "Man, bowl haircuts are for losers--I'ma grow this bitch OUT baby, then I'll look f'n sweet and they'll have to cast me in that commercial about seat belt safety." (Take a look at Dylan and Cole Sprouse's website to see the evolution from bowl to overgrown bowl in action.)

But now, if you watch your Chuck E. Cheese's commercials, your stupid toy commercials--basically, if you tune in to Cartoon Network during the daylight hours--you'll see a new assy haircut burning up the boy kid actor charts: the poofy boy 'fro. (Click on the pic above for a closer look at this incredible hair look.)

This one's been in the making for a coupla years now--check out the movie Holes, you'll see both young leads sporting versions of this hairdo. In fact, they're probably to blame for the entire thing. And now, this look is everywhere, and I'm sure it's giving normal kids ideas. I think boy actors are even getting perms to make it happen for them, 'cause there's this one commercial for some type of car toy or whatever and this kid's poofy boy 'fro looks totally manufactured, reliant on at least half a can of hairspray and a body wave. I can't remember the product being pushed 'cause all I can think about is the kid's hair. It haunts me. It keeps me up at night. It dances circles around my head, taunting me, laughing at my inability to accept that some kid actor cultivated this look for himself, possibly at some personal expense and risk of bodily harm on the playground.

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