Yanni: Reflections of Downtown

New Age or New Rage? On Friday, March 10, new age keyboard tinkler Yanni was arrested in Florida for allegedly hitting his girlfriend. Now, domestic violence is no laughing matter, but you've gotta allegedly admit that Yanni getting taken downtown is a pretty funny thought.

Did he insist that his mugshot make him look introspective, complete with hair blowing in the wind and eyes cast downward? His rap sheet would read, "First name: Yanni. Last name: None. Eyes: Smoldering."

Guilty or not, Yanni must be a lawyer's dream. I submit to the court Exhibit A: the complete Yanni collection on CD. Would the guy responsible for such snoozers titled "Almost a Whisper," "Whispers in the Dark" and "Written in the Wind" risk his pansy mustache getting thrown in the clink? If you're capable of writing "Reason for Rainbows," could you possibly be capable of violence? Answer: Only if there was a war in unicorn town.


In his defense, Yanni issued this statement through his manager: "These allegations are cruel, false, without merit and baseless. At a more appropriate time and place, I hope and pray I will have an opportunity to address my fans and colleagues all over the world." Now, that doesn't sound like the dew-drenched dreamwoven statement I'd expect from an epic soundscaper like Yanni.

If I were his manager, I'd release a more new age statement: "Of chantilly ribbons have these allegations been made, for they are flimsy and full of holes. Upon gossamer wings shall justice soar and so shall Yanni's name be cleared like storm-beaten clouds in the wake of the sun's return. Dare to dream!" Now, that's a Yanni that should be put behind bars.