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Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Enter the Mexagon

I’m going to start a petition to stop Taco Bell from thinking "outside the bun. So far, Taco Bell’s extra-bun-icular activities have led to food mutations I’d rather not eat:

Taco-on-taco action
Enchilada yarmulke

I’m not sure what exactly exists outside of the realm of the bun, but the outer-bun worlds that the U.S.S. Taco Bell is exploring are apparently wonderlands where hard tacos can spoon with soft tacos without fear of discrimination. That would explain the Bell’s Double Decker Taco, a hard taco nestled inside a soft taco cozy. Cross-breeding the two varieties is like Pizza Hut offering "New York-style pizza" as a topping for a Chicago deep-dish pizza. But then again, Pizza Hut and Taco Bell are sister companies, so I wouldn’t put that sort of bastardizing past the Hut (jenni knows what I'm talking about).

Now, Taco Bell has come up with yet another menu mutation, and it’s quite possibly the biggest fast-food embarrassment since the time I got stuck in the Grimace cage at McDonaldland. What do you get when you cross origami with an enchilada? No, not a tissue paper swan filled with beans and cheese, silly. I’m talking about the Crunchwrap Supreme. Honestly, you should never eat something that looks like one of those fold-up paper fortune teller thingies.

Even worse, Taco Bell missed the mark with the Crunchwrap’s name. It totally should’ve been called the "Mexagon." Actually, if it was really called the Mexagon, it might be worth all the embarrassment of eating something so stoopid looking. In this case, I don’t think the Taco Bell folks were merely thinking outside of the bun. I think they thought outside of the bun, crapped on it, folded it into a Frisbee, then got lost ‘cuz they wandered so far into uncharted bun territory. It’s a dangerous world out there. Think inside the bun.

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